Ask Dan and Jennifer

Q&A: Are Sexual Fetishes Weird? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:00:58 +0000

People with sexual fetishes or certain sexual fantasies are constantly asking themselves if their preferences are considered “normal,” or if they are strange and weird for having said fetish or obsession. There are a variety of sexual fetishes and fantasies out there – how do you know if yours is “normal?”

Question: Is it weird to get turned on by strange things, like fetishes and stuff? Like, there are some things I enjoy which a normal person would hate or find painful or embarrassing. Is this normal?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Define “Normal”

Fortunately for human beings, “normal” is relative. What is considered normal and what isn’t is based on each person’s belief system, morals and point of view. There is no concrete “this is normal and this isn’t,” because it is different for everybody. Unfortunately though, it is a common belief that one person’s view of what is normal and what isn’t must be forced on everyone else. It’s time to shake that belief, and realize that one person’s definition of what is normal or weird is going to be different from everyone else’s. It’s time to embrace our diversity and focus on our own beliefs and actions instead of dictating everyone else’s.

What Is A Fetish?

A fetish, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com, is considered a sexual obsession with a usually non-sexual object. Many people have a “shoe fetish” or a sexual obsession with shoes. Some people have a specific fetish for high heels only, while some people are turned on by shoes of all kinds. Other people may like fur, armpit or leg hair, or may be exceptionally turned on by different types of scents. Whatever your fetish is, this object generally will heighten sexual pleasure and may even be required during sex to acheive sexual release. Some fetishes, such as pedophilia and bestiality to name a few, do cross the line, so there are a few ways to tell if your sexual obsession goes too far or not.

Informed Consent Is What Makes The Difference

Regardless of what your fetish is, it must meet a few criteria for it to be considered “okay.” And by “okay,” we mean legal. Each person involved must be an adult (as in over 18) and must be able to and have given informed consent to whatever will happen. Informed consent can’t be given by children, animals or those mentally unable to make informed decisions such as people who are very intoxicated or have a mental handicap. It’s also a good idea if no one gets seriously hurt, although some sexual obsessions such as biting, piercing and bloodletting could be viewed by others as being “serious,” while if done safely pose very little harm at all. When experimenting with fetishes, always use a safe word and if someone wants to stop, STOP! If everyone involved is an adult and has made the informed decision to participate, and as long as no one gets seriously hurt, you can relax. Your fetish may seem “strange” to others but if it works for you, go for it!

Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Lose Her Virginity (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:00:31 +0000

Having sex for the first time is a big step – one that involves consent from both partners and a lot of thought on each end. If one partner wants to have sex before the other, it may pose a problem. Here’s what you can do if you and your partner don’t agree on when to take that step.

Question: My girlfriend doesn’t want to have normal sex yet (she’s only 16 and I’m about the same age, and we both are virgins), but I really love her and I really want to give pleasure to her. Should I give her oral sex or fingering or something like that, so that she wouldn’t lose her virginity, but would be satisfied?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Her Right To Say No

If your partner doesn’t want to lose their virginity, it is her right to say no. Even if you suggest other things to give her sexual pleasure, such as oral sex or fingering, remember that she doesn’t have to do anything that she is uncomfortable with regardless of whether she’s “technically” losing her virginity or not. If you really want to share a sexual experience with y0ur partner, ask her if there is anything that she would like and would be comfortable with. If she isn’t comfortable with something, don’t pressure her and give her some time to think about it.

Don’t Do Something You’ll Regret

If you and your partner mutually decide to have sex for the first time, or experience some other type of sexual pleasure together, think it through first. Make sure your partner really is comfortable with whatever you and her have decided to do, and isn’t doing something she’ll regret later just because you want her to. Also, make sure you’re not doing anything you’ll regret later too. Whether you’re having sexual intercourse or giving or receiving oral sex from your partner, worrying about pregnancy or STD’s.remember to be safe always. Use a condom during sexual intercourse and if she wants to give you oral sex, as well as using a dental dam when you give oral sex to her. Your first time – enjoying each other sexually in whatever way you choose – shouldn’t be about

Sex Is More Pleasurable When You Wait

If you and your partner decide to wait to have sex and experience each other sexually, you’ve made a great decision. Waiting until you’re more emotionally mature and prepared for sex can make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Rushing into sexual intercourse or other sexual activities, and possibly regretting it later, is not going to give you or your partner much sexual satisfaction outside the moment. However, waiting until you and your partner truly are ready to have sex – both physically and emotionally - means that you and your partner can share a deeply sexual and satisfying relationship both in and outside the bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to wait forever though – try making a deal with your partner to revisit the discussion in 3 or 6 months. You or your partner may feel differently about the subject after spending more time with each other and more time in the relationship.

The Pitfalls of Suddenly Single Friends

Andrew Wang — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:00:27 +0000

When both you and your best friend are coupled up, it can be the greatest thing in the world. You can double-date, your boyfriends can become friends and you have someone who understands issues you face. However, when that friend is suddenly single, your own relationship can suffer. Here’s how it happens and how you can prevent it.

You Go Out With Her More

It only makes sense that she will want to go out and have fun, maybe meet new men (especially if she was dumped and feeling particularly vulnerable). It only makes more sense that she will want you to come with her. She needs a wingman to help her, to cheer her up, to just be around her. However, this can be detrimental to your own relationship since you will be spending less time with your boyfriend, and more time in the company of different men, which can lead to problems. We all know relationships are fabulous. But sometimes single-hood seems more fun when you have been with the same person for a long time. To watch your friend flirt (and be flirted) with good-looking or charming strangers, you may start to wonder if you shouldn’t also be single again.

She Wants You To Be Single

You know what makes being single much better? When your friend is single too. Living it up at the bar and sharing sexy stories about strangers is only fun if you have someone by your side. However, if you cannot relate with or participate in her single life, it stops being quite so exciting for her. She may subconsciously (or maybe not…) start saying things or putting ideas into your head to make you second-guess your relationship. It is understandable that the newly single friend doesn’t want your boyfriend hanging around. Firstly, he may remind her of the relationship she just left (or of relationships altogether). Secondly, his presence may prevent other men from approaching her. Thirdly, she may just want some girl-time. However, this unintentional ultimatum, once again, may take more time away from your boyfriend, which can potentially hurt your relationship.

You Start Analyzing Your Own Relationship Problems

You may not think things are so bad with your own relationship until your friend talks about how similar issues ruined hers. Maybe she grew tired of her boyfriend working too much or maybe she just decided she could find someone better. Having those relationship problems highlighted may make you think, “Wait, I think my boyfriend works too much, also!” or “Maybe I can do better too…” The best thing you can do for your relationship during this time is to stay positive. Think about the things you appreciate or enjoy about your boyfriend. Focus on the reasons you like being in a relationship. Also, talk with your boyfriend about what went wrong with your friend’s relationship. Together, brainstorm ways to ensure this won’t happen to you two, as well.

Q&A: Help! I Like This Girl But She Has A Boyfriend (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:00:13 +0000

When you like someone and they’re already involved with someone else, your first instinct may be to simply let it go. But what if they’re giving you signals that they like you too, and you really would like to date them? Can you “steal” them away from their current relationship or should you still let it be and move on?

Question: I know this girl who I really like and I think she likes me too. She gives me these signs like laughing at everything I say, complementing me on my clothes, and smiling charmingly at me – but she only does it with me. Here’s the problem – she has a boyfriend and he treats her like shit. She’s like a pet to him, but I’m not the kind of guy who steals a girlfriend. I really like this girl though. What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Make Sure You’re Reading The Signals Correctly

One of the biggest misunderstandings between men and women is interpreting flirting and friendliness the wrong way. If you like someone, you may be all too eager to assume their polite smiles and friendly conversation means that they like you as more than friends. If someone who is already in a relationship is giving you these signals, make sure you’re interpreting them correctly before you make any kind of move. Make sure you’re not stuck in the “friend zone” and she’s not just using you to vent about her current relationship.

Relationships Aren’t Ownership

When we’re involved with someone, whether we’re dating or married, we tend to put these labels on our significant others as though we “own” them. Human beings can’t be “owned” by anyone though – we are free to spend our time with who we choose. If someone is in a relationship but wants to hang out with someone else and have a good time, they are perfectly within their right to do so. You are also free to spend time with them as well, regardless of their current relationship attachments. Although we are free to spend time with who we want at our own discretion, there can be consequences to those actions. Their partner may choose to end the relationship if they’re uncomfortable with the situation and they are, of course, free to do so as well. But remember that no one can “own” or “control” anyone else and force them not to spend time with someone or to stay in a relationship.

Follow Your Heart

When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s important that you follow your heart and you allow the person you’re interested in to do so as well. All may end well with a new, happier relationship but there is also the possibility that the other person’s heart leads them to stay in their current relationship for one reason or another. The most important thing here is to be true to yourself, and communicate your feelings honestly with the other person without being critical of them or their current relationship. What happens after that is anyone’s guess, but being true to yourself is an incredible feeling regardless of what happens later.

Q&A: More Anal Sex… How To Clean Up Afterward (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 14:00:30 +0000

It’s a fact – anal sex can get messy. Whether you ejaculate in the anus during anal sex or not, you’ll still want to clean up afterward. Preventing the spread of bacteria and keeping yourself comfortably clean are important after anal sex. Here’s how you can clean up afterward so you can have fun before!

Question: I know you suggest using condoms for anal sex, and my girlfriend and I take every precaution when we do it. Sometimes we use condoms, but sometimes we don’t. I want to know about ejaculating in her through anal sex.
What are your takes on it? I want to know mainly because while in the heat of the moment things happen. In case it does happen, what are the best ways to go about cleaning up afterward?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is Semen In The Anus Safe?

If you ejaculate in your partner’s anus during anal sex, you may wonder if it’s safe. As far as pregnancy goes, you can’t impregnante a woman through anal sex so you’re safe there. But having unprotected anal sex at all – ejaculation or no ejaculation – puts you at risk for contracting or spreading sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Anal sex is a bit more risky when it comes to STD’s than traditional vaginal sex because the risk of exposure to blood and other bodily fluids is much higher. Having anal sex with a condom – even with a monogomous partner – is a great way to keep yourself safe from sexually transmitted diseases and infections as well as keep ejaculate from entering the anal cavity during orgasm.

Ejaculating During Anal Sex

When ejaculate enters the anus during anal sex, it leaves the anus the same way it leaves the vagina during vaginal sex – it comes out the same way it comes in. With vaginal sex, however, semen comes out much more quickly and can be cleaned up more easily than with anal sex. Ejaculate doesn’t always come out of the anal cavity right away, and it may come out at inopportune times. Usually, it comes out when you have a bowel movement but can leak out at other times as well. To clean the anal cavity of ejaculate after anal sex, you can pick up an enema kit at your local drugstore to wash the anus clean of semen. Enemas are also an excellent way to get clean before having anal sex, keeping the anal cavity free of fecal matter during sex. If you or your partner prefer to keep semen out of the anal cavity during sex, remember that using a condom is a great way to do that.

Cleaning Up Afterwards

Since anal sex can help spread bacteria that can make you and your partner sick, cleaning up properly afterwards is very important. Clean any anal sex toys used with warm soap and water, or use a special toy cleaner. Wash your hands and your penis thoroughly and have your partner wash her bottom with soap and water as well. Better yet, enjoy a steamy shower with your partner and make cleaning up after anal sex as erotic and pleasurable as anal sex is for you!

How To Love A Powerful Woman: Mo’Nique, Sandra And Victoria Reveal Secrets To Success

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:55:54 +0000

You may think this article was written just for men. It wasn’t! Powerful women pay attention because being loved well is your responsibility too! There is useful advice for both of you here.

This year’s Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress winners at the 82nd Academy Awards, Sandra Bullock and Mo’Nique, are powerful women happily married to powerful men – men who are not intimidated by their women’s successes.

Fortunately for us, Sandra and Mo’Nique were interviewed repeatedly prior to and following the Oscars where they unsuspectingly shared relationship advice. When you listen to someone who has created a successful love partnership, the way they talk about their beloved reveals secrets the rest of us can use to improve our own love stories.

In addition, this winter saw the movie “The Young Victoria” making its way around the country. Within that little gem is a world of advice for how to love a powerful woman. Based on the early years of Queen Victoria’s reign (the Victoria for whom “Victoria’s Secret” is named), we watch the young beauty fall in love with her handsome Prince Albert – a man who would never be called king – and watch them navigate how to love and be loved in these roles that demand she be his superior in every way.

Prince Albert was no puppet. He masterfully and with great masculine expression, made a place for himself in the palace and in his wife’s heart. “The Young Victoria,” like interviews with Sandra and Mo’Nique, accomplishes what it did not set out to do; it gives us advice for how to love a powerful woman.

Relationship Advice From Some Of The Most Powerful Women

Women, respect your men. In this 21st Century, it’s easy to not appreciate what it costs a man to be in a relationship with a powerful, successful woman. Regardless of how the world measures your and his accomplishments, he is worthy of your respect because he loves you – even adores you. Respect him.

Have a sincere interest in his work and interests. Nothing says, “I love and respect you” quite like having a genuine curiosity in the interests of another. It makes him feel seen and heard.

Mo’Nique makes this provocative statement,” “I don’t think that anyone should be in control of a relationship. I think that if you have a woman that controls her man, he is a puppet and he is weak.” But ladies, the attempt to control him begins with you. If you don’t want to be a tyrant in your relationship, if you want it to feed and nurture you, then respect him.

Advice For Men

Men, have your own work and interests. There are hundreds of ways to love and support her. While you may be content to be the moon that orbits around her as sun, most of you will thrive best if you have your own work and interests.

Know your place in her life. Depending on just how successful she is she may have a posse or entourage of folks who take care of her. Those kinds of relationships can get sticky – a little dysfunctional with various people longing to have a place in her heart that usurps all others. Don’t allow it. You don’t have to go to war with anyone who would like to position themselves between the pair of you. You simply have to know that you are her husband (or lover) and that no one can take your place. Taking that stand, you simply won’t engage with those who would like to be superior to you in her heart.

Protect her and provide a safe space from the slings and arrows of life. Because of a woman’s natural ability to multi-task and see a big picture, she can take on entirely too much, attempting to make too many people happy, feeling like the Great Mother to people who both have their own mothers and are perfectly capable adults themselves! Your ability to focus can help her make time for herself and for the both of you to have time to rest and relax and to feel safe and secure.

In her Golden Globe acceptance speech, Sandra had this to say to her husband, Jesse James, “There’s no surprise that my work got better when I met you because I never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back, so thank you.”

For Both Of You

Finally, work together for both of you to accomplish your goals. Rather than treat the stuff of her life as more important than yours, view your separate and mutual interests as equally valid and do whatever it takes for both of you to win in your careers.

At one point in the movie, Victoria and Albert are drenched from running in the rain, undressing each other back in their private quarters. She clings to him, looks him in the eyes and says, “We will take care of each other, won’t we.” More of a statement than a question, it’s a delicious moment between lovers who are equals in their hearts and souls, unencumbered by the demands of the gifts of their lives that put them in the roles of Queen and Prince.

If you love a powerful woman or if you are a powerful woman in love with a man who loves you, the two of you been gifted with a rare opportunity to contribute to this world and to love each other in a unique and abiding way. Know that you are not alone on this journey; other couples have and do traverse it well. And remember to have fun!

The Truth About The Prostate Gland

Kaylen Jackson — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:31:07 +0000

You may have heard of a prostate gland, a gland inside a man’s body that is capable of providing him with great pleasure when stimulated, also known as prostate massage or prostate milking. The prostate is hard to get to though – it can sometimes be lightly stimulated by a firm touch underneath a man’s scrotum but usually responds best when stimulated from inside the anus. Do men really like prostate stimulation?

Men Who Love Prostate Stimulation

Some men who enjoy having their prostate gland stimulated during sex say, “Once you try it, you’ll never go back!” Initially, these men may have been a little nervous to try anal play but once they learned how pleasurable it was, it became one of their favorite things in the bedroom. Prostate massage can greatly enhance sexual pleasure and make orgasms more powerful and intense than through penile stimulation alone. Prostate milking can be done alone or in conjunction with oral sex or vaginal sex. Many women truly enjoy stimulating their partner’s prostate gland during sex and prostate massage can help to enhance a dull sex life.

Men Who Hate Prostate Massage

There are some men who have tried prostate stimulation and don’t like it, and many more men that refuse to try it because of the sensitivity of the anus. Some men find any type of anal stimulation uncomfortable or painful and some men simply don’t like the idea of it. With any type of anal play, you definitely take the chance that things will get dirty. Often, men feel embarrassed at the idea of messy anal stimulation and are too uncomfortable to have an enema beforehand. Some men who don’t like the idea of prostate massage can be introduced to it slowly, but many men who are uncomfortable with it are very unwilling to try any anal play at all. Never push the issue with your man – if he doesn’t want to do it, don’t force him and don’t continue to ask him about it. Some men just don’t like it and never will.

How To Introduce It To Your Man

The best way to introduce anal play and prostate stimulation to your partner is to do so very slowly. Talk to your partner first to find out if he is interested in prostate massage and would be willing to try it. If he’s apprehensive, ask him if there is anything you can do to make him more comfortable with the idea. Start small and work your way up, and don’t forget to use lots of water or silicone based lubricant. The anal sphincter does not lubricate itself, so you really can’t use enough lube. Never use a numbing lubricant, because it is important to stop immediately if your partner finds anything painful. You can start with a finger, or a very slim, small toy designed for prostate stimulation. Even small butt plugs may be pleasurable for your partner without causing too much pain or discomfort initially. Remember that any anal sex toy must have a wide base that will not allow it to go all the way in the anal cavity. Toys without a wide base designed for anal play can get lost inside the anal cavity and can cause much damage.

Seize The Day

Maryanne Comaroto — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:00:26 +0000

All my senses come to attention as I hear the sound of fire trucks passing through. I feel a slight increase in my breathing and send out my silent hope that whomever the fire trucks are for will be okay. As I pause to consider the situation, I’m curious to know why it often requires calamity in order for us to really start appreciating things and seizing the day.

My desk is a great example of how things become so easily ignored – all around me are photos of the people who are important to me, trinkets that have some sentimental value, cards given to me by loved ones, a medallion that Mother Theresa blessed, a small statue of the Buddha, and so forth. And yet even right now, my focus will wander onto other things, and I’ll completely fail to see what’s right in front of me. However, it has to be said that I’ve come a long way – these days I don’t need the wake-up call as frequently as I used to, simply because I have stayed committed to being present and staying awake, and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to make progress on that front.

Awake!

But of course the reason I react so strongly to the familiar sirens now is because it’s personal for me – I used to be that person who stayed in the comfort zone until something came and forcibly shook me out of it from time to time. I was spiritually asleep, and these interruptions would suddenly show me the temporary and fragile nature of life. I would get a fleeting glimpse of what it was like to be awake, only to slip back into slumber again.

In the end, however, it’s these wake-up calls that have transformed me over time, and now that I know what to look for and how to respond, this has helped me stay awake for more of the time. If I have a day where I wake up feeling sore, it’s just my body telling me to take it easy for a day or so – it’s not a reason to complain or make excuses for my age. If I don’t always get what I want, rather than looking for someone to blame or playing the victim or doubting my competence, instead I just keep on living, knowing that good things are on their way, perhaps even better than what I originally asked for. When I lost my father to a heart attack, it became clear to me that I should never deny myself the opportunity to love, even when I have not been loved in the way I wanted. Unfortunately, that was a lesson learned the hard way.

I do sometimes think that I’d like staying awake to be easier, that it can be a hassle sometimes to have to constantly be vigilant and try to stay present for the important things. It’s like the old Zen tale of all the masters gathering to discuss where to hide the Key of Life. One suggests that they could hide it at the bottom of the ocean, but the others say it would be too easy to find there. Another suggests the top of a mountain, but again the others dismiss this option. Finally, after much discussion, they finally realize where the best place to hide the key is, the place where humans would never think to look - inside themselves.

Q&A: Why Do Jerks Get All The Girls? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:00:24 +0000

Often, the dating world seems completely backwards. You see an older guy with a younger, hot woman or a cute guy with another guy. Sometimes you just can’t catch a break! You’re a nice, well brought up person with a lot to bring to the table – so why is everyone else scoring a date when you aren’t?

Question: My buddy and I were talking the other day and came up with this random subject – why is it that all the jerks get the good looking girls, and the nice guys get left out? Personally, I was raised to be nice and a gentleman. I’m only a jerk to those who act like a jerk to me. I just want to know why the hell do the jerks get all the girls and the nice guys don’t?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Women Want A Confident Guy

Confident guys – often mistaken for jerks – usually get the girl. Why? Because he asks her out and he’s comfortable being around her. He doesn’t exude a meek or timid attitude. Instead, he is comfortable in his own skin and knows who he is – and comes off that way to women. “Nice guys” sometimes are too afraid or shy to ask a girl out or even go up to a girl and talk to her. This is not the type of guy that gets a girl! A woman will look right past this type of guy and go for the confident guy instead, regardless of how polite and gentlemanly the nice guy is.

Women Want A Strong Guy

When a woman goes on a date with a man, she doesn’t want to be asked, “Where would you like to go? What would you like to do? Is this okay with you?” They want a man who will say, “We’re going to go to dinner here and then I’m taking you to go see a movie.” They want a man who can make confident decisions on his own without her input, but in a nice way. This is where being a nice guy can come in handy – she doesn’t want a rude man who is going to boss her around! She wants someone who is polite and treats her well, but is strong enough to take the reins in the relationship when needed. Women who go out with a pushover will push him over and tire of him quickly.

Jerks Don’t Keep A Girl

It may seem that jerks get all the girls and lots of them, but there’s a different story that goes on behind the scenes. While a “jerk” might get a girl to go out with him because he appears strong and confident, it is very unlikely that he is going to keep her. She will realize soon enough that she isn’t being treated well and move on to a different relationship. The way to get a girl is to be a strong, confident man that is comfortable asking a woman out and being assertive in the relationship, but the way to keep her is to be a gentleman and treat her like the lady she is.

Q&A: How Can You Tell If He’s Circumcised – Visually? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:36 +0000

If you’ve never seen a circumcised penis before, it can be difficult to tell whether a penis is circumcised or not just by looking at it. There are, however, a few key features that a uncircumcised penis has that are different from a circumcised penis. Here’s how you can tell them apart.

Question: How can someone tell they’re circumcised visually?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

An Uncircumcised Penis

An uncircumcised, or intact penis, has a few distinct characteristics that help identify it. An uncircumcised penis has what is called a foreskin, which is a thin skin covering the head of the penis. In adult men, the foreskin retracts and is moveable, allowing it to slide over the head of the penis towards the base during an erection, completely exposing the glans. The foreskin then slides back into its normal position covering the head of the penis when it is not erect. Because the head of the penis is inside a protective covering, the skin of the glans is genrally very soft and moist. An intact penis produces a white, waxy substance underneath the foreskin called smegma, which is generally washed away during proper hygiene routines.

A Circumcised Penis

When the foreskin is removed from the penis during a circumcision surgery, the head of the penis is exposed to air and friction from underwear and clothes. While the glans is designed to be protected from friction by the foreskin, allowing the skin of the glans to stay supple, an uncircumcised penis must produce thicker skin cells in response to friction and air exposure. The head of a circumcised penis is dry and tough, much like the skin on your arm or other parts of your body that are exposed to the elements. A penis that is no longer intact has no foreskin, but most of the time the skin on the shaft of the penis will still move towards the head of the penis and back and generally won’t go over the head of the penis. In some circumcision cases, however, not enough skin is left after the surgery to allow for this movement. The most defining characteristic of a circumcised penis is the coronal ridge, or the ridge at the bottom of the head of the penis that separates it from the shaft. While uncircumcised men still have a coronal ridge, it is mostly hidden by the foreskin. The ridge is much more prominent on a circumcised male, and can be seen and felt easily.

Circumcised vs. Uncircumcised

Besides the way they look, there are quite a few differences between circumcised and uncircumcised penises. Penises with an intact foreskin have about 8,000 more nerve endings just within the foreskin, making the penis much more sensitive and receptive to stimulation. Circumcised penises, however, do not have to be cleaned as thoroughly as an uncircumcised penis, as there is n0 skin to pull back and clean underneath. Both circumcised and uncircumcised penises vary in size, shape, length and thickness. Men with either type of penis are capable of having a satisfying sex life and pleasing their partners sexually.

“The Marriage Ref” Almost Nails It

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:30 +0000

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

While this show is one of the funniest I’ve seen in a long time and aims to do the right thing – give both sides a voice and listen to each argument – it doesn’t necessarily translate into creating change or fostering the proper habits for the couple. It starts to play off of what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” but they were not able to define and enact these skills. The Smart Heart Skills were validated but undone by the actors doing cheerleading into each other being right and wrong. Smart heart skills are not about being right and wrong as opposed to “walking in the others shoes” and making the person feel safe.

How To Use Smart Heart Diologue

When I instruct couples to use Smart Heart Dialogue, it’s as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well as larger conflicts, even when faced with infidelity.

Utilizing this type of dialogue is important in learning to fight fair as a couple. Fighting and disagreeing are not bad things, in themselves. Learn how to fight fair. It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I encourage having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.

How Smart Heart Diologue Will Help Your Relationship

This type of discussion can open up the doors to putting the emotionality of a certain topic aside – whether it be finances, life decisions, career changes, fidelity, or a host of other things – and allow the couple to be honest with each other in a safe, loving space. Of course, this doesn’t mean that each person has a right to be angry and hurtful – quite the opposite. This exercise is designed to take the heated emotion out of a discussion so that the couple can share their feelings without a threat of emotion or anger getting thrown in the mix.

These types of habits can be the glue that helps to create passion in a relationship, even during and spite of disagreements and conflict. This may start out as basically as telling your partner you HAVEN’T been communicating these feelings and asking them to be patient with you while you learn how to go through this process. It may involve treating eachother with more respect, and being more mindful of the problems at hand during heated arguments.

What To Do If You Think You’ve Been Raped

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:00:50 +0000

Whether you’ve been violently raped or have been a victim of date rape drugs and aren’t sure what happened, being raped is a frightening experience and many women just aren’t sure what to do afterwards. Here’s what you need to do if you’ve been raped or think you’ve been raped, so you can begin the healing process.

You’re Not Alone

Remember that if you’ve been raped, you’re not alone. About 10% of women are raped at some point during their lifetime. Know that you did nothing wrong and the rape wasn’t your fault, no matter what the rapist has told you. There is nothing shameful about getting help for rape, and it’s absolutely critical to take steps after being raped to get the proper medical attention and help for your emotional and psychological scars.

What Not To Do

It’s essential that after a rape that you do absolutely nothing except get immediate medical attention. Do not shower, bathe, brush your hair, douche, change clothes or even wash your hands. Go straight to the emergency room. If you’ve woken up after a night out and find that you’re clothes are torn or missing and you’re sore like you’ve had sex but don’t remember it, gather the clothing you were wearing the night before (especially your panties) and bring them to the emergency room with you. Your first instinct may be to take a nice long, hot shower to scrub the rape off you, but it’s incredibly important that you do exactly the opposite. Go to the emergency room right away with your hair a mess and your makeup smeared. No one is going to judge you – they’re going to help you.

What’s In A Rape Kit

At the emergency room, a forensic nurse or doctor will begin the process of collecting evidence, called a rape kit. A vaginal and anal swab will be taken to look for semen, and the undersides of your fingernails will be scraped for skin specimens. Your clothes will be taken and searched for bodily secretions, hairs, clothing fibers and other specimens. It’s going to be uncomfortable, especially after a rape, but it’s the only way to get enough evidence to catch and convict the criminal responsible for the rape. If you shower, wash your hands, brush your hair or teeth, or change your clothes, you’re destroying any chance the police have at finding the rapist. Remember that after the rape kit is finished, you can take as long a shower as you’d like and even burn the clothes you wore if you’d like.

Preventing Pregnancy And Treating STD’s

The other benefit to going directly to the hospital after you’ve been raped is that you can be given emergency contraception, known as the “morning after pill” to prevent pregnancy from the rape incident. You can also be treated for sexually transmitted diseases and infections, so the rape will have no long term effects on your life. While a rape itself is utterly devestating, a pregnancy or STD caused by the rape can wreak havoc on the rest of your life. Going straight to the emergency room and allowing trained and caring professionals to take care of you is the first step to healing, recovering, and putting the rape behind you.

Q&A: I’ve Confessed My Love – Now What? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:39 +0000

You’ve confessed your love to a girl, and now she’s run for the hills. What do you do? Did you come on too strongly, or is she giving you mixed signals? Dating comes with lots of questions and very few answers, but here’s what you can do when a girl you like starts giving you the slip.

Question: A few weeks ago, me and a good friend of mine setup to have a date. I have some affection towards her and I thought she felt the same way. Two days before our date, I confessed my love to her. On the day of the date, I called her up to see if she still wants to go; she didn’t pick up. Then the next day I called her to see if she still wants to go out today and she said “I don’t think that is a good idea.” So I get the idea and drop it. We still talk once in a while now, but not as much and intimate as before. But then last week, I asked her out to dinner and she came. I’m confused, what should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Labeling The Relationship

Often, people who are dating are too quick to put a label on the “relationship” they have, and want to know where they stand when it comes to being with someone. This goes for both guys and girls though – it’s a common belief that women do this more than men, but it’s actually about equal between the sexes. Unfortunately, when one person in the relationship is pressing to define it, the other person gets scared and starts moving away emotionally. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to spend time with you or don’t like you, but it may mean that they just want to go slowly and let the relationship go where it needs to on its own.

Backtracking

If you’ve confessed your love to someone and they start giving you the slip, you may think you’ll never repair the damage that was done. That could be true, but not always. The thing to do now is to back off and let them take the lead. Don’t start calling all the time or continue to try to get them to go out with you. They may like you, but they may just need some time to air out. Take a few steps back and let them call you. Be polite and friendly when you see them, but let them make the moves. If you do want to ask them out, suggest going to a casual lunch or bowling. Whatever you do, make sure they don’t feel pressured in any way and they just might come around.

Letting A Relationship Develop On Its Own

When you start dating, it can be tempting to move along quite quickly, especially if you feel like you’re ready to settle down. Instead, try letting the relationship develop on its own. Don’t ask your partner where you stand or try to define the relationship, because often, it’s always changing. Just focus on enjoying being with the person you’re with and let the relationship move along at its own pace. Getting to stop and enjoy all stages of a budding relationship is like stopping and smelling the flowers - totally worth it.

Q&A: How Do I Tell My Parents I’m Bisexual? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 14:00:39 +0000

Discovering that you’re bisexual is one thing, but telling your parents is another! The thought of telling your parents that you’re bisexual or even gay is frightening. How will they react? Will they become angry or will they accept you? Here’s how you can tell your parents about your sexual orientation, regardless of what their reaction might be.

Question: How do I tell my parents I’m bisexual without getting a reaction like “Oh, it’s just a phase” or “You’re just being eccentric?”

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Should You Tell Your Parents?

A lot of people feel like they should tell their parents about their sexual orientation as soon as they discover it. If you realize that you’re gay or bisexual, should you tell your parents right away? Perhaps not – give yourself some time to absorb this yourself first and get to know yourself on this new level. It’s up to you when you tell your parents or even if you tell them at all, but it’s important to know that there’s no rush. If you’re planning on bringing someone home, or you feel more comfortable being very openly gay or bisexual, it’s best that your parents aren’t surprised or that they don’t hear it from someone else. In this case, it’s important to talk to them as soon as possible so they can hear it straight from you.

Telling Your Parents

When you tell your parents about your sexual orientation, it’s essential that you be honest and sincere. Don’t be vulgar and keep it simple. You don’t have to have a sit down talk, but make sure you and your parents aren’t out at dinner or in a place where it might become uncomfortable. Be calm and confident when you talk to your parents, which will be easier if you’ve given yourself time to absorb your sexuality. If you’re still unsure of your sexual orientation yourself, you’re going to appear unsure to your parents too. You might get questions from your parents and you need to be prepared to answer them with concise, honest and confident answers.

Their Reaction

It’s impossible to know what your parent’s reaction will be until you actually tell them. You might suspect that they’ll become angry or simply dismiss you as going through “a phase,” but you won’t know for sure. When you tell your parents that you’re bisexual or gay, respect their reaction. It might not be the reaction you want or even the reaction you thought they’d have, but you can’t force them to feel the same way about your sexuality as you do. If your parents suggest you’ll “grow out of it,” simply give it time. Be true to yourself and your parents will soon see that your sexual orientation isn’t just a passing phase and that it is part of who you are. They’ll have to choose either to accept you as you are or not, and unfortunately, you can’t do anything to influence that decision. So just focus on being yourself and learning to be comfortable in your own skin.

Q&A: I Like This Girl But She Can’t Date – Ideas? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 15:51:32 +0000

Dating, especially when you’re young and a teenager, can be frustrating and intimidating. With parental rules and restrictions, it can be hard to find someone you like, let alone try to get to spend time with them and get to know them. What can you do when your parents don’t let you date?

Question: Hi, I really like this girl and she likes me. The only problem is her parents won’t let her date or hang out with guys. It’s a secret between the two of us that we like each other so hanging in a group might not work. Any ideas?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Keeping It A Secret

Many teens are tempted to keep their romance with someone else a secret. They don’t want parents to find out they’re dating, so they hide the fact that they like each other from everyone. Keeping your romance a secret from everyone is a great way to make sure you really don’t get to spend very much time with the person that you like. Many parents allow teens to hang out together in a group, and that would allow you to spend more time with your partner instead of trying – usually unsuccessfully – to get some alone time. If your romance is a secret from your parents as well as your friends, consider letting your friends know so you can all hang out together as a group. Chances are, they’ll even let you sneak in a few minutes of quiet time with your partner here and there.

Don’t Get Stressed About Time

Teens whose parents don’t approve of dating can get easily frustrated at the amount of time that they get to spend with their partners. There’s really no reason to get stressed about it though, because dating in your teens is supposed to be fun, not super serious! A big reason for teenage breakups is the arguments that are caused by not getting enough time to spend with each other – not necessarily the lack of time itself. Relax and learn to enjoy the time you do get to spend with the person you like, instead of constantly stressing about how you’re not getting enough. You’ll find that instead of arguing with each other about how to get more time together, you’re actually spending time together and enjoying each other’s company – which of course, makes it all worthwhile!

You’ll Get More Time In The Future

As a relationship builds and you grow older, you and your partner are going to get more privileges. You may even get some dating privileges too! The best way to get dating privileges though is to keep your grades up, keep your room clean and pick up after yourself and generally prove to your parents that you are a responsible individual. They may not concede in a week, but if over time you prove to them that you are responsible enough to handle dating – and that it won’t interfere with school, sports or other extra-curricular activities – they might be willing to give you a little bit of leeway in that area. The same goes for your partner.

What Are Date Rape Drugs?

Kaylen Jackson — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:00:39 +0000

Rape has been around for centuries – but date rape drugs haven’t. Recently, date rape drugs have become more popular among rapists and even seemingly regular guys, because it allows them to silently slip a drug into a girl’s drink to incapacitate them. Many girls who have been given date rape drugs are completely knocked out, with no memory of being raped at all. Date rape drugs are dangerous – here’s what you need to know about them.

Date Rape Drugs Explained

Various forms of date rape drugs are widely available on the street and aren’t often expensive. Drugs such as ketamine, rohypnol and gamma hydroxy butyrate (GHB) are all used to render a woman incapacitated, without the ability to say “no” to sex and often knock her out completely. These drugs are very popular among rapists because they don’t change the flavor, consistency or color of a drink and can easily be disguised. Other drugs can be used to create a similar effect, including over the counter cold medicines and sleeping pills, but these are more difficult to hide and can often be detected quickly. While women are more often the victims of date rape drugs, men can be targeted as well and these drugs have a similar effect on them.

How Do Date Rape Drugs Feel?

Date rape drugs can often make a woman feel very passive, and open or willing to do anything, like having sex. It may make her feel giddy, and she might make choices that she wouldn’t ordinarily make under different circumstances. Some women pass out, although not all of them do. Since date rape drugs often “erase” the memory of what happened while the drugs were in effect, it can be difficult to tell if a date rape drug was ever used on you. However, a severely “hung over” feeling will occur the morning after, but can often be confused with a normal alcohol related hangover. Unfortunately, there truly is no way of being sure whether you were given a date rape drug or not without a doctor’s test. Most of these drugs leave the body very quickly, often within just 48 or 72 hours, so it can be difficult to determine the use of a date rape drug unless the test is performed shortly after the suspected incident.

Protecting Yourself From Date Rape Drugs

Never take a drink from someone you don’t know very well, whether it is in a bottle or a glass. Watch your bartender make your drinks and take them yourself. Don’t allow a waiter or waitress or someone you don’t know well get your drinks for you. Always keep an eye – or a hand – on your drink. Never drink out of punchbowls and when you’re at a party, only accept drinks that are closed such as cans or bottles. If you suspect you or a friend have been given a date rape drug, or if you seem very intoxicated if you haven’t drank a lot of alcohol or any at all, leave immediately. There is technology that is available now called Drink Safe Technology, which uses test strips to test a drink for date rape drugs. Similar to pH testing strips that are available for pools, the test strip will turn a dark blue color if the drink is positive for a date rape drug.

Date rape doesn’t always happen in bars – check out What Is Date Rape to find out more about date rape and when it can happen.

Q&A: How Do I Ask Him If He’s A Virgin Without Offending Him? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:00:11 +0000

When in a new relationship with someone, it’s tempting to ask about your partner’s sexual past, especially if you’re a virgin. Should you? Yes – it can help you know more about your partner and help assess your risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. But it’s not exactly the easiest issue to bring up – here’s how to do it.

Question: I’m 19 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, 22, for over a month and a half. I’m a virgin and I really trust him and want to have sex with him, but there are some signs that he may or may not have had sex. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before to ask him whether or not he’s had sex but now I’m not sure how to approach him about it. How to do I ask him whether or not he’s a virgin without emasculating him and making him defensive? I really care about him and want him to be comfortable.

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ask About Sex When You’re Not Having Sex

Asking your partner about their sexual history before, during or after sex are all really bad times to talk about it. Your partner will feel pressured, uncomfortable and may not give you an honest answer. You may even translate his discomfort to mean he’s hiding something from you – and he may not be, even if he seems uncomfortable or stressed out. Make sure to ask your partner about their sexual past during a time when there’s no sex involved – for example, a good time to have this conversation would be during a casual lunch or when you’re just hanging out and relaxing. The idea here is to put as little pressure on your partner as possible. Your attitude about the situation will reflect on him – if you feel like this is a “serious” situation, he will too and he’ll probably freak.

Making Him Feel Comfortable

Making your partner feel comfortable about talking about his sexual history is the only way you’re going to get any real information. Let your partner know that it’s okay whether he’s a virgin or not, and simply let him know that you’re curious. Volunteer your own sexual status to help make him more at ease with sharing his sexual past. Don’t grill him about it and if he’s not comfortable talking about it now, don’t pressure him into giving you an answer right away. Give him time and ask him when he might be ready to talk about it. Let him know it’s not an interrogation – and don’t make him feel like it’s one either.

Why Ask At All?

Some people believe in “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it comes to sharing your sexual history with your partner and vice versa. If you and your partner are more comfortable not talking about it all together, this may work for you. But usually, getting a sexual background on your partner – not necessarily all the dirty details but just the gist – will help you get to know your partner better. Knowing whether your partner has had unprotected sex with a number of people can help you make smarter decisions about safe sex.

Q&A: I’m Still Friends With My Ex But It’s Awkward (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:00:21 +0000

Breaking up is hard – but dealing with your ex afterwards can be even more difficult. During the awkward time after a breakup, it’s hard to tell if you should try to stay friends with your ex or cut off all communication completely. Here’s how to handle the situation if you want to try to stay friends with your ex.

Question: I have been out of a relationship now for 3-4 months and am over my ex – but I somehow I feel I owe something to her and should build a friendship again. I still feel awkward talking to her even though it’s small talk – any tips?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s Always Awkward

If you’ve just broken up with someone or have just been broken up with, the period directly following the breakup is always awkward. If you’re feeling as though things are strained between you and your ex and it just doesn’t feel right, join the club! Most people feel strange after a breakup, especially if they’re often around their ex. For example, if you and your ex work together or share many of the same friends, coming into constant contact with each other after the breakup can be just plain weird. It’s totally normal to feel awkward after a breakup and it can take some time for you and your partner to reach a totally platonic state.

You Don’t Owe Your Ex Anything

Many people leave a relationship feeling like they owe their ex something, especially if they’re the ones that did the breaking up. Even people who leave a relationship in the best possible way can feel bad about hurting the other person. Here’s the thing – you don’t owe your ex anything. Each person reserves the right to end a relationship if they feel it’s not working out in their best interests. It’s kind of like at will employment. Either party can terminate the relationship at any time for any reason of their choosing. Your ex may be hurt after the breakup, and things may be awkward, but don’t hold it against yourself. Staying with a person that you’re not happy with just because you don’t want to hurt them never works out. You deserve to be happy, so learn to let it go.

Time Heals Most Wounds

Even though the relationship with your ex is awkward now, time heals just about anything. You may feel pressured to have small talk with your ex now, or to try to force a friendship but it may be that you and your ex just aren’t ready for that yet. After a break up, most people need some time to think and process what happened in the relationship. If a friendship just isn’t there for you and your ex yet, time may be what you need to get there. Give yourself – and your ex – some time and space to sort out what happened. If you or your ex are very emotional after the break up – for example, if you two were in a long term relationship – you will each need some time to sort through how you feel about the break up. Just relax and let time do its thing.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like When I Touch Her G-Spot (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 14:00:08 +0000

Finding a woman’s g-spot and learning how to give her pleasure can make your sex life hotter, but what if your partner doesn’t like g-spot stimulation? Does it mean that you are doing something wrong, or that your partner just doesn’t like having her g-spot stimulated? Here’s what you can do if your partner doesn’t dig g-spot pleasure.

Question: My girlfriend says it’s uncomfortable when I touch her g-spot and she feels like she needs to pee. Any tips on making it more pleasurable for her?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Feeling The Need To Pee

It is actually very common for women to feel like they have to pee during sex. Does this translate into the true need to urinate? Not usually – although it is possible. Many of the nerve endings near a woman’s vagina and clitoris are tied together, including the nerve endings to the bladder. It is not at all out of the ordinary for a woman to feel like she has to pee when she is being stimulated one way or another. Although it is common, it doesn’t mean that it is comfortable for your partner. It can distract her from feeling pleasure because she’s afraid she’ll urinate during sex. Sex will be more pleasurable for your partner if she’s not worried about being embarrassed in front of you.

What You Can Do

There are a few things you can do to help your partner alleviate the feeling of needing to urinate during sex. Have your partner go to the bathroom right before sex. This way, she knows she doesn’t have to actually urinate and can simply attribute these feelings to other nerve endings being stimulated. Your partner can actually stop taking liquids an hour or two before sex also, if this makes her feel better. Remember that iced tea and coffee are both diuretics, meaning that these may make her feel like she has to urinate more often than usual. If your partner is also on a medication that causes her to feel the need to pee often, talk to your doctor about a change in medication if possible.

Changing Your Techinques

You may be stimulating her g-spot too hard or too quickly if she’s still finding it uncomfortable to be stimulated there. Make sure you allow your partner plenty of warm up time before trying to stimulate her g-spot, and you can go one step further by ensuring she has an orgasm before you even head for the g-spot. Often, a woman will find vaginal stimulation uncomfortable or even painful if she hasn’t been allowed enough time for foreplay. Foreplay allows the vagina to moisten and relax and sends signals to the brain to get ready for sex. Make sure she is wet or use plenty of lube to avoid any discomfort caused by friction. Communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t and ask for her suggestions. Ladies, take this opportunity to purchase a great sex toy and try stimulating your g-spot on your own. When you find out what feels good, let your partner know and show him how to do what you like.

When A Woman Tries To Control, Rescue, Or Fix Her Man

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:00:54 +0000

Every once in awhile I get to experience what it’s like for a man when a woman tries to control, rescue, or fix him. Every time it happens, I get a hint of how humiliating it is for men to have women mother them in this way.

Did you know that women do to other women what they do to men? They try to control, rescue, and fix their friends. I don’t know how other women react to it but I don’t like it. I have a mother. She’s the perfect mother for me and I don’t need another woman attempting to fill that role. Gentlemen, does this sound familiar?

Depending on which woman friend in my life attempts to control, rescue, or fix me determines the degree to which I feel humiliated by her efforts. Some friends are so endearing in their approach that I can’t resist them. To be perfectly honest, when I get in the same mothering mode, I try to be as endearing as possible! I admit it is sheer manipulation meant to make me feel better about interfering in my friends’ (or my husband’s) lives. Yet I can fall for the manipulation when it’s delivered in a sweet and loving way.

Manipulation vs. Sheer Will

Today, I felt manipulated in a way that irritated me. A friend interrupted my attempts to clean up after a social event. I thought I was done clearing away trash and had washed my hands. She had more to add to the garbage bag. Because I mentioned I’d washed my hands, she tried to take the task away from me whereas I’d resigned myself to complete the task and just wash my hands again. She argued with me and tried to physically take over. I wouldn’t let her and as I was finally finishing up, she shoved one of those hand gels in front of my face to rescue me from having to rewash my hands! I chuckled and said, “No thank you. I’d just as soon wash them again.” She sort of stormed away at that point.

Why didn’t I just let her take over? Because I took pride in the task and wanted to take care of it myself. With each attempt on her part to rescue me, I felt increasingly manipulated and patronized. If you are a woman reading this article, you might not be able to empathize. But if you are a man reading this article, I bet you understand. It feels awful to have a woman try to mother you by attempting to control, rescue, or fix you. When you are handling any situation, you don’t need rescuing. And if you need help, you will ask for it!

So, to help my female readers gain some empathy with a man on this issue, let me put it another way. Chances are you have someone in your life that makes you feel patronized every time she belittles your efforts, tries to rescue you as though you are a child, or attempts to make you better by making you over in her image. If you will bring that person to mind and remember what it feels like to be treated thus, I guarantee you can empathize with your man when he resents your attempts to make him better – or make him over.

When Women Manipulate Men

For my gentleman readers, if you have a lady in your life who tries to control, rescue, or fix you; pay attention the next time she complains about the manipulative woman in her life. Then the next day (not in the same conversation), gently and lovingly say, “Would you like for me to confide in you something that is very tender for me? Something that makes me feel vulnerable with you? Sometimes you want me to open up. I have something to share but I need you to really listen to me. Are you ready?”

She’ll look at you with big, puppy dog eyes ready to lap up this self-disclosure. Depending on her personality, you may have to add, “Now, this may strike you as offensive but if you’ll stay with me, I think we can help each other and improve our relationship. Would you like to try?”

“YES!” she replies.

Then in your own words and as gently as possible tell her that the way she feels when her friend patronizes her is how you feel when she tries to ________ fill in the blank______.

When He Opens Up

If you are gentle and loving and if her heart is in the relationship, she ought to be able to hear you. Tempers might flare a little bit. But if you stay with wanting to let her know how you feel rather than make her wrong, you will go far with this. You can even say, “Listen, this is a problem all men have. It takes even less manipulation for us to feel the way you feel when your most manipulative friend does her number on you. I’m just laying it all out here. Because the more you trust me to be the man, to take care of things in my own way, the happier you will be because there will be less tension.”

I have one more piece of advice. If your woman is the kind who takes advantage of your opening up in order to dig really deep inside you, don’t let her. Assure her that this piece is huge. It’s enormous! If she will absorb the information and integrate it over the next several days, she will see how very much she has been given with this one self-revealing topic.

Ladies, if you can respect how meaningful this is and not require him to go deeper or share more, you’ll reap big benefits. In addition, within about twenty-four hours, you’ll have your new understanding tested as something happens and you find yourself itching to control, rescue, or fix him. The real work begins when you choose to not go there!