Ask Dan and Jennifer » Love & Marriage

Romance Tips: How to Make Your Anniversary Truly Special

Andrew Wang — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 23:00:40 +0000

Romance can be hard to come by in a marriage, but your anniversary is coming up and you need some date ideas! Here’s how to fill your anniversary with romance.

Whether your date nights have grown generally boring or you’re looking to really set this year apart from previous ones, your anniversary is a great time to plan a truly special and exciting date. Though some people value anniversary celebrations more than others, no one can resist a spectacular night of celebrating. You don’t even need a big budget to pull off an out-of-the-ordinary date. Plan ahead, consider your partner’s likes and dislikes, and get those creative juices flowing.

Planning Ahead

Depending on what you’re hoping to do for your anniversary, you should start planning anywhere from two weeks out to a full year beforehand. The first two things to take into account are your budget and whether or not you’re getting a gift for your S.O. If you’ve got a sizable budget or have lots of time to start saving money, you can come up with some pretty outlandish date concepts.

If you don’t already have a physical gift in mind, your date can actually become your gift, which then gives your budget a boost. They say that people who spend money on memory-making experiences are happier than those who buy tangible items. Unless you know that your mate expects a piece of jewelry or techie gadgetry every year, give them the gift of a truly memorable time together.

Take them to a concert for a band that they love or to a major sporting event. Do yourself one better and go to something that’s relevant to your relationship. Did you propose at a baseball game? Did you meet at a certain rock club? Go back there and recreate that special night. The tickets are your gift to them, and the awesome anniversary date is built right in.

Go Out Of Town

If your budget goes even further, give the gift of a trip. Plan a weekend getaway. It can be to somewhere that your S.O. has talked about wanting to visit, or it could be to somewhere else equally thoughtful. Maybe you no longer live where you first met.

Go back to the town where your romance blossomed and visit your old haunts. The act of being somewhere other than your current home will instantly spice things up. Demonstrating your thoughtfulness by picking a meaningful destination will show your mate that you’re still in love with him or her.

Local Date Ideas

Of course, if you don’t have the budget for a trip or a more expensive night out, you can still plan a great anniversary date. Plan a night or day full of the things you both enjoy doing most. Eat at you two’s favorite restaurant, grab a drink or two at your favorite bar, and do at least one thing that you both really enjoy.

If you’re both into Latin dancing, find a salsa night somewhere near you. Or if you both love going to the movies, go to a late night showing of something funny or romantic that will put you both in a good mood. Lots of cities have smaller theaters that sometimes show older movies, so you might even be able to find an older favorite of both of yours to watch on the big screen.

Sure, dinner and a movie or drinks and dancing might seem like typical dates, but if you put that extra special spin on it, it becomes a much more interesting night. Just make sure that whatever you do is something both you and your S.O. really enjoy. That way you’re both guaranteed to have a great time. Then head back in for the night and let your great moods carry over into passionate sex.

Low Cost Date Ideas

Should all else fail and your budget be nearly non-existent, remember that a picnic is always romantic, particularly after dark. Even if it’s just in your own backyard, dining al fresco and imbibing a little wine under the stars can make for an incredibly lovely evening. Depending on the remoteness of your location, bring a few blankets along and you could end up creating some extra hot memories, too. You’ll cherish them forever, even if you can’t tell anyone else about them.

Make Her Fall In Love With You – Using Only Words! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 14:00:06 +0000

Love advice can be complicated, but did you know you can make a woman feel love for you just by using the right words? If you choose the right phrases to make her feel happy, excited and warm towards you, she’s going to fall for you fast. Here are the phrases that you need to use if you want to make her go crazy over you!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Words Are Very Powerful!

Don’t underestimate the power that language has on a woman. Certain phrases can trigger thoughts,emotions and fantasies and can easily affect how a person feels in both good and bad ways. There’s no denying that words can be used to affect someone in many different scenarios. You can also read into the way another person is feeling and thinking by paying attention to the words they’re using in a conversation.

Of course, not just any word is going to make someone upset, happy, angry or excited. It’s the use of emotional language that does that. Emotional language is certain phrases that evoke emotion in someone, whether it makes them feel good or bad or anything in between. You can use innocent words to turn a woman on, or make her feel happy or ecstatic. So it’s no surprise that you can affect how a woman feels just by paying attention to the words you’re using and using the right phrases to make her feel the way you want her to!

Actions Speak Too

Remember that even if you take the best love advice to heart and use the right phrases to win a woman over, you’re still not going to get very far if you don’t follow them up with the right actions. If you’re going to “talk the talk” so to speak, you’ve got to be willing to “walk the walk.” If you say something flirty and nice, and then turn around and do something else that negates what you just said, any girl is going to be able to spot you as a fake. Make sure that your actions go along with what you’re saying and that you’re being genuine about it.

Examples Of Things To Say

Here are some excellent examples of phrases that are going to evoke emotion in a woman:

Happy – “I feel so happy being with you!”
Excited – “I’m so excited to see you.”
Love – “I love it when you….”
Adore – “I adore you!”
Confident – “You make me feel confident.”
Amazing – “I feel amazing around you.”
Incredible “You’re incredible!”

Using Words The Right Way

To have the impact you want on a woman when using language, it’s important that you pay attention and use it the right way. Avoid talking about things that create a negative energy around you, such as talking about your problems or complaining about the things around you. If you’re creating negative energy around you, you’re not going to be able to make anyone feel good regardless of what language you’re using.

Pay Attention To The Words She’s Using As Well

Women communicate with words much, much more than guys do. In fact, it’s estimated that women use on average 15,000 words a day while men use about 6,000 – so you can pretty much guarantee that she’s going to let you know how she feels and what she’s thinking in her language, even if she doesn’t come right out and say it. Listen to the hidden meaning behind the words she’s using and look for the emotions buried within.

Is she using phrases that suggest she wants to touch or kiss you? Are the phrases she’s using suggesting that she’s happy or having a good time? If so, you’re definitely on the right track! Alternatively, watch for phrases that suggest she’s not having fun or that she isn’t interested in you at all. A lot of guys don’t pay attention to it when a woman makes it clear that she’s not interested in them, simply because it’s not what they want to hear.

Consider Taking A Language Course

Because women use words so much more than men, if you want to really understand girls and how they think, you might want to consider taking a course on the subject. Becoming more knowledgeable about how people use language and the meanings behind certain phrases is going to help you indefinitely when it comes to understanding and talking to women. If you don’t want to take a course, there is tons of information out there on the Internet to help you learn to understand language and how people use it to communicate with each other!

Long Term Relationship: How NOT To Be A Nag

Andrew Wang — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:00:48 +0000

A long term relationship take some effort to keep. Nagging is one of those things that can destroy long term relationships if you let it – here’s how to stop!

Are You A Constant Nagger?

No one likes being called a nag. The term is full of all sorts of negative connotations. Yet all of us have probably done it to someone about something at one point or another. Maybe you find yourself repeatedly asking your mate to put their dirty laundry in the hamper and not on the floor. Perhaps you’ve requested over and over that your partner remember to deposit that check at the bank. Whatever the point of it, you know that it’s no fun being on either end of it.

When you’re the one being nagged, you feel annoyed with your S.O. Their nagging is a reminder that you’re not living up to their standards on this particular issue, and that never feels good. If you’re the one doing the fussing, you feel frustrated and exasperated. It’s not as though you want to get on to someone—you just want them to do something the first time you ask them to do it. The worst part of nagging is that you start to feel more like an angry parent and scolded child than a pair of two adults in a romantic long term relationship.

Are You On The Giving Or Receiving End?

The key to halting this in your long term relationship is being considerate and forgiving of each other. If you’re typically on the receiving end of it, ask yourself why. When your partner asks you do them a favor by picking up the dry cleaning once a week, be considerate of their wishes. Surely that partner does things for you. Maybe you get distracted easily and forget to pick up those clothes. To your partner that seems inconsiderate. That’s why they become annoyed and then get on to you about it.

Since you know that you’re prone to forgetting things, come up with a way to remind yourself, like putting a reminder into your phone. Sure, you might still forget from time to time, but if you do a better job overall, your partner will be more likely to forgive you when you do screw up. That means less fussing for you to have to endure.

Give Yourself A Reality Check

Should you be the one constantly fussing, try to check in with reality. If you’re doing it about little things, you might want to consider letting the issue go. Say your significant other always leaves the dishes on the counter instead of putting them into the dishwasher. This is probably a bad habit of theirs that they’re not likely going to change.

Instead of wasting your time and energy on fussing at your partner about it, just put the dishes away yourself. It probably takes less effort for you to load the dishwasher than it would to regularly complain to your S.O. about it. Don’t ever forget that you probably have a bad habit or two that bothers your mate. You’re not perfect, therefore you shouldn’t expect perfection from them either.

Is The Issue Bigger Than The Little Stuff?

What if there’s a bigger issue at hand than dry cleaning and dishes? Maybe you’ve been nagging your partner to stop smoking or cut back on their drinking. Instead of nagging in the moment, sit down and have a heart to heart with your mate. Do this at a time when you’re both in good moods and the problematic issue is not directly at hand. You truly are trying to help them overcome big problems here, but nagging may not be the right way to go about it.

Tell them how much you care about them, and why you need them to break their unhealthy habits for you. Then you should work together to come up with a plan. Promise them that you won’t be on their back about it every five minutes if they show you that they’re working to get better. Seek outside help or marriage counseling so that you’re not the lone person policing the issue. Above all, make sure that your S.O. knows that you’re doing this because you love them. If they love you as well, they’ll understand how well-meaning you are being.

Do Women Expect Too Much From Men?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 23:00:33 +0000

A relationship is about give and take, but many men think that in a relationship with a woman, they’re doing nothing but giving. Is that true?

What She Said

Umm, no. Granted, I am a woman and you haven’t given us much to go on with this question. In general, society still plays a large part in defining roles of gender and, thusly, behavior. It’s up to us as individuals to unravel what that means in our lives.

What IS Expected Of Men?

I assume you’re speaking from the vantage point of what’s wanted from men and dating, given the nature of our column. I acknowledge that men have certain pressures when it comes to relationships – the biggest sticking point with many guys being the assumption of who pays on dates. We’ve covered that several times here, but I’ll say it again – it’s not how much you spend, it’s the thought that counts. Being honest while living within your means will make for a happier relationship.

Every Woman Wants Different Things From A Man

Since I don’t have much to go on, I’ll tell you what I want from a guy – the same thing I expect from myself. Honesty, respect, communication, love and companionship all rate high on my list. Money, childcare, romance, how much time spent with the in-laws and who cleans the house are common issues. Every couple has different answers as far as these expectations go, but I’d assume the happiest relationships are where the balance of the responsibilities is relatively equal.

If He Feels Overwhelmed

If a man feels that too much is expected of him, he might want to take a look at two things – himself and the relationship he’s in. Expectations are just that – it’s up to you how (or if) you decide to fulfill them. It’s your life and resentment is a terrible waste. Don’t be a victim and assume you have to live up to someone else’s vision. Make your own rules and find a partner who believes in a similar way of life. You can’t control what others want from you (much less an entire gender), but you can control how you react.

What He Said

Do girls want too much from men? Hell yes! You want us to pay, you want us to be nice, but not too nice, you want us to love you for your mind as well as your body, you want us to put the seat down, you want us to want to do the dishes. You want a bad boy, but you want him to be monogamous, you want passion, you want consistency, you want him to have six pack abs, you want him to eat healthy, but not eat like a girl, you want him to last all night and fuck like a porn star, blah, blah, blah.

Is It Too Much?

That’s a lot to live up to. It used to be that girls were the ones burdened with all the unrealistic expectations that society heaped upon them in droves. Now men are getting our fair share. When did that happen? Where’s gender inequality when you need it? Men are starting to be as insecure as the ladies, if not more so, about sex and their bodies. That’s not right! That’s your problem. Not ours! Damn feminism. Damn you Gloria Stenheim!

Wait…what was I talking about?

Being A Supportive Partner When Times Get Rough

Andrew Wang — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 23:00:42 +0000

A relationship go through many ups and downs. Here’s how to be a great spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend in your relationshipp when things are difficult.

For Better Or For Worse

Everyone who’s ever been to a wedding or seen one on TV or in a movie knows the gist of typical wedding vows. There’s a line in there about sticking it out whether you’re healthy or sick, rich or poor. This shouldn’t just apply to married couples, of course. If you’re in a relationship with someone and they fall ill or lose their job, you should be there for them. You would want them to help you through your rough time, so you should treat them in the same manner.

How To Show Love When Things Get Hard

There are so many different ways that you can show your love during tough times. Whether your S.O. has lost their job or a loved one, just being there to listen to them will get you off to a good start. Offer to help where you can, but never be forceful about it. Say your boyfriend just got laid off from his job. Give him a few days to be upset, and then ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If he says he doesn’t need help, keep in mind that his ego is suffering.

Forcing your help on him right now might just make him feel worse and in even less control of his life. So give him space where he needs it. When someone is upset and hurting, it’s important to be observant. Follow their cues and you’ll help them in the best way possible.

Empathy Isn’t Everything

While empathy is incredibly important, don’t ever pretend to understand what your mate is going through if you haven’t been there yourself. If your girlfriend’s parent just passed away, and both of yours are still alive and healthy, you can’t tell her that you get what she’s experiencing. If you do, that could start an argument.

When a person is grieving, they feel like no one can really understand their pain. Your job is to make sure that your mate doesn’t feel alone. Tell her that, even if you can’t truly understand her particular sorrow, you want her to know that you’re here for her. If she needs to cry, yell, or just be held, you’ll be with her for all of it.

Be Throughful

Perform thoughtful acts without being asked to do so. If your S.O. typically does the cooking or the cleaning, take on some of that work so he or she can have extra time to do whatever helps them mellow out. Encourage them to get some form of exercise, which will help them feel better. Gently nudge them out into the outside world so they can’t just sit around all day focusing on their unhappiness. Of course, if they resist, never push them.

Perhaps if they’re not up for going out, you can coax them into watching their favorite funny movie or playing a game they like. Just try to get them smiling again. Sex can also be very healing, though you should try to be understanding if your significant other needs a break. When you’re stressed or depressed, your sex drive can take a real dive, so don’t take it personally if they’re not really in the mood.

Be Kind

Ultimately, the key to being a really supportive S.O. is to make sure that you are there when you’re needed. Be respectful of your mate’s need for alone time as well as together time, and never force things on someone who’s upset. Treat you S.O. kindly during a difficult time, and they will appreciate it on many levels, for many years to come.

Q&A: She’s Pregnant By Another Man – But Wants To Be With Me! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 14:00:02 +0000

A pregnant girlfriend is one thing, but what about being with a girl who is pregnant by someone else? Are you supposed to be in a relationship with her and take care of the baby because no one else will, or can you decide that you’re not ready for this and move on? What do you do?

Question: First off, let me say I love you two! But I’m in a hard situation. A very good friend of mine is pregnant (by accident, old story of condom in the wallet) and she opened up to me and said she starting to love me and wished that the baby was mine! I’m not really sure how I feel about her. Any advice? And again I love you two, great advice!

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

What Are You Okay With?

Before you think of how your friend will feel, or how the baby might feel, or how anyone else will, you need to think about how YOU feel about the situation. Take some time outside of the situation to mull it over and think about the different possibilities here and how they might affect your life or the way you live. What are you okay with? What are you willing to be okay with? Tell your friend you need some time out to think about the situation – you at least deserve that.

Do You Want To Take Care Of Her And The Baby?

When you sit down and really take stock of the situation and how you feel about it, there might be a feeling of guilt or responsibility to take care of your friend and the baby. This is going to be especially true if you have at least some romantic feelings towards her, or care about her and your friendship very deeply. Stop right there!

Remember that you didn’t get her pregnant and you’re not responsible for the situation at hand. Yes, you can decide that you want the responsibility and that’s great – but remember that you don’t have to. Don’t guilt yourself into taking care of her and the baby because you feel obligated to. That’s not going to end very well. Make sure that if you do end up getting into a relationship with your friend and being a father figure to the baby that it’s really something you want to do – not something that you feel like you have to do because no one else will.

What If You Don’t?

If you decide that you don’t want to be with a girl who is pregnant (or if you don’t want to be with her), and you don’t want to take care of a baby once it’s born, that’s completely your prerogative. Remember, you didn’t get her pregnant! Don’t let anyone pass judgement on you and certainly don’t feel like you have to pass judgement on yourself. This is totally your call, and it’s perfectly fine to decide that this isn’t where you want your life to go right now. You don’t owe her anything.

Be Honest With Her

It’s your right to decide to do whatever you want to do in this situation, but you do need to be honest with her and truthful about how you feel. Yes, you do need to be delicate here, but honesty is the most important thing. If you decide not to be with her, explain to her why you feel this way and make sure the conversation stays limited to how you feel.

If you stick to your feelings about the situation, she can’t argue with it. However, if you present an entire list of logical reasons as to why a relationship between the two of you couldn’t work, she can argue with it – and she can probably make some pretty valid points. Remember that the choice to be with her or not was based on your feelings (not logic), so your explanation should too.

Give It A Trial Run

If you’re not sure about it, why not give it a try? Try being in a relationship with this girl and seeing how it develops. Talk to her about your idea to try it out, and make sure that she knows you have the right to decide that it’s not for you at any point in time. This also gives her the opportunity to try out a relationship with you without the commitment to be with you for a certain period of time or even be with you when the baby arrives. Don’t think that if you try it now that you’re stuck forever. Let it play out and see what happens!

What To Do When Your Parents Hate Your Partner

Andrew Wang — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:00:33 +0000

Here’s a seemingly simple scenario. You love your parents and you love your significant other. It’s finally time for your mate and your family to meet. They get together and they absolutely love each other. Why shouldn’t they? You’re their common bond, and if you love all of them, why wouldn’t they love each other? Unfortunately, life isn’t always so simple.

Oftentimes the people that we love don’t get along together. If you’ve recently learned that your parents are incredibly displeased with your choice of a partner, you may very well be reeling. Do they see some horrible quality in your S.O. that you’ve been blind to? Or are they just being ridiculous in their own expectations for you?

Consider Major Negative Feedback

If they give you majorly negative feedback on your S.O., it’s worth considering it. They may have a really good reason for not liking your boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe they know that he or she has cheated on you. You might be okay with that, but they aren’t. Maybe he/she was really rude to them and openly disrespectful of you in front of them. If these are the sort of complaints they’ve made to you, you should think really hard about why you’re with your mate.

They know you pretty well, and they may be right in thinking your S.O. is wrong for you. If their reasons for disliking your partner are miniscule or unfounded, however, don’t even bother considering a breakup. Instead, start thinking about how you’ll smooth things over between your parents and mate.

How To Get Them To Reconsider

The first step in getting them to reconsider their stance is to give them a great sales pitch on your S.O. Give them evidence to negate their fears, however irrational. Talk about all of the wonderful things that your partner does for you. Show your parents just how truly in love you are with this person. Prove to them that your significant other is a great source of happiness for you. It can even help to point out all the ways that they’re different from and better than past boyfriends or girlfriends that also met with your parent’s disapproval.

Once you’ve convinced them to give your partner a second chance, come up with a good way to get them together again. Make sure it’s in a setting that they will likely feel comfortable and happy in. Better still, work in a way for your S.O. to show off some of their better qualities. If they’re a great cook, the two of you can make dinner for your parents. If they are baseball nuts and so is your mate, go to a game together so they can talk shop and bond over a mutual interest. They may see your partner in a new, brighter light.

When The Issue Is More Serious

What if the problem is more irreparable, though? What if your parents are showing an ugly side to their personalities? Perhaps they’ve decided that they don’t like your partner because he or she is of a different race or religion from you. Maybe they think he or she is too poor or from the wrong class standing. You’re going to have to fight an uphill battle here, and you may not be able to win.

This is when you might have to make the hard choice to cut your parents out of your life, at least until they can be more accepting. It could be really difficult to do, but if you’re deeply in love with your S.O.—if they’re someone you may very well marry and/or have children with—you can’t give them up because they are being ridiculous. It’s a hard but important decision that you must make.

Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Remind them that if they love you and want you to be happy, they’ll respect your choice in a partner. Be patient and help them learn to accept your S.O. Sometimes time is the best bandage for a situation such as this.

Top 5 Reasons Not To Cheat

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 23:00:07 +0000

Cheating is almost never a good idea – here are 5 great reasons to avoid cheating on your partner.

What She Said:

I want to honor my vows. “For better or worse” is what I agreed to – and staying faithful means things will stay on “the better” end of the spectrum.
The kids. I don’t have ‘em, but I know a lot of couples that choose to act on the up and up – for themselves as much as an example for their children.
It should be number one, but my favorite reason is simple: love. My husband is my best friend; I’d never do anything to hurt him.
The grass is not always greener! Sure, it’s nice to daydream about that hunk giving you the eye at the grocery store – but he probably isn’t any better than what you have at home. And at least you’ve got that one trained!
Lying corrodes the soul. A good marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect, not deceit.

You don’t have to be married to honor vows. If you’ve agreed, as a couple, to be monogamous that’s enough to remove you from the market.

Monogamy Doesn’t Have To Be Boring

Monogamy doesn’t have to spell monotony. Bet you haven’t heard that one before, but it’s true! Think of ways to keep it hot with the one you’ve already got. Fantasizing is allowed – getting on with Brad Pitt in your mind can be satisfying and save your marriage. A win/win!

Trust & Intimacy Is Rewarding

Building intimacy in the long-term is a great challenge – and a great reward. It takes time to develop. Flirtation is fleeting, but a deep bond can last the rest of your life. Before you think about stepping out of your committed relationship, take a moment to think of the consequences. Trust can be a fragile thing, and once it’s broken it can be difficult to repair. Take stock of what you’ve got.

What He Said:

It’s called technology. It will fuck you, and not in a fun way. Anything you do online is recorded, somewhere. It’s usually not an issue, but when infidelity happens, it’s easier to prove and to nail your ass with.
It’s called the Internet. If you cheat and you piss off your significant other, they can and often will smear your ass all over the Internet. That means any sexy videos or photos you’ve taken, any naughty text messages, anything that can make you look bad to a perspective employer will be put online and will be easily found by perspective employers (who are looking for that kind of thing. Perverts).
The juice is almost always not worth the squeeze. Assuming that you cheat with someone and that sex is the greatest sex ever had in human history, it will still not be worth the hell your fidelity will put all parties through. Your other half is going to rip you a new one, over the course of several years, and then the legal system will reopen those still healing wounds and rip an additional one into the one he/she just ripped into you. It’s not worth it, even if you have some crazy, Justin Timberlake on tour sex.
The Chris Rock rule. Many people violate, what I call “The Chris Rock Rule of Infidelity” which states: the person you cheat on your partner with must be as hot or hotter than your partner. If you bang someone way hotter than your partner, well, at least they can understand on some level. You had a chance with someone way out of your league and you took it. They will be hurt, but they won’t be mad. If you just bang some skank who happens to be willing to do things your partner won’t, well, that’s your ass. She will be way pissed because you banged someone lower on the quality scale than you have waiting for you at home. If you do this, you are an idiot.
Fantasy is not usually the reality. Say you’re a 40 something guy and some hot 19 year old is all up on you and wants it. Bad. Do you really think it will be as good as you imagine? Sure, she’s hot and young, but she’s also young and crazy. She’s going to go apeshit when it’s just sex for you, and even if she doesn’t, it probably won’t live up to your fantasy. How Could it?

Relationship Advice: How To Avoid Fighting Over Salaries

Andrew Wang — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 23:00:27 +0000

Good relationship advice will tell you that money problems are the worst to have – most divorces are caused by them. Stop fighting over this before it starts.

Not a lot of people talk about it, but it can feel pretty bad when your partner makes more than you do. Though stereotypically it’s the man who gets upset to discover his girlfriend out earns him, the envy can go both ways. It’s particularly tough if you’re competitive by nature or happen to work in the same field.

Things can be even worse if you suddenly find yourself unemployed, while your partner continues to succeed in their job. With the way the economy has been going, this problem is more commonplace than ever. So what can you do to get rid of some of the awkwardness and animosity? Whether you’re the one who’s broke or the one who just got the big raise, there is lots of relationship advice to make your wage gap less problematic.

If Your Salary Is Greater

If you’re the one who’s doing well, you need to attempt to be as empathetic as possible. Try not to go on and on if you get a big raise or promotion. You deserve to be happy and you certainly shouldn’t hide it, but one night of celebrating is enough. No need to keep referring to it over and over in front of your S.O. They will still be happy for you, but if they’re having a particularly hard time themselves, they may not fully express it. The truth is that they’re probably feeling not only jealous, but also guilty about that jealousy.

As a result, their congratulations to you may not be as thrilled-sounding as you’d expect. Don’t let this hurt your feelings or diminish your own excitement. Just be aware that the subject is a little touchy. Though you may feel like enjoying some of your hard earned cash by going on more extravagant dates, try not to go overboard. If it’s your turn to treat, you can go somewhere a little pricier than normal, but don’t make a habit of it.

If you typically split the check, be sure to pick a destination with your partner’s budget in mind. It’s likely that you’re partner won’t feel comfortable saying that something is out of their price range, so don’t put them in a position where they have to protest.

If You’re Salary Is Less

On the other end of the equation, if you’re the individual who isn’t making the big bucks, you also need to be able to consider your mate’s feelings. Don’t rain on their parade because you’re feeling bad about yourself. Even if you’ve been out of work for a month, if your sweetie arrives home and informs you he or she was just promoted, let them know how proud you are. Celebrate with them a little. Remind yourself that you want your partner to be happy, and that their successes are your successes as well.

If you really feel like you can’t handle one more minute of hearing them talk about their good fortune, calmly say as much. Simply state that you’ve been feeling down about your own situation. Explain to them that you are happy for them, but you can’t help feeling a little jealous. Then ask them if you can change the topic for awhile, and make sure to do so without any rancor in your voice. As with most relationship issues, honesty is the best policy and good communication is important.

Keep Yourself Grounded

No matter which role you’re currently playing, you need to stay in touch with reality. Remind yourself that you might not always be the one in your current position. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated? Someday they very well may be, and you’ll be counting on your significant other to show you the same respect and love you showed them.

You should also remember that a big salary isn’t everything in life. If you both woke up poor tomorrow, you would still be lucky to have each other. A little career or monetary envy isn’t worth breaking up over. Keep that in mind, and you’ll be able to bridge the gap.

How To Reinvent Yourself After A Breakup – And Get Her Back

Michael Webb — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 23:00:52 +0000

Breakup schmakeup – you’re over it! Or are you? Here’s how to create a new you after a nasty breakup – and get your girlfriend back!

You’ve broken up with your ex and are either single or with someone new, but you know you jumped back into the dating pool too soon. You realize this was a rebound knee-jerk reaction and what’s worse, you can’t get your ex out of your mind. You want her back and you want her back for good! Stick around because not only will I tell you how you can get her back, but how you can improve on your own life and self-image at the same time.

Learn To Live Your Life

We all know men and women are wired differently – “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus right?” But what if you could rewire the inner you, both physically as well as emotionally! You can and whilst you may not wake up tomorrow a totally new person both physically and emotionally (believe me it doesn’t even happen overnight on those reality television shows), the first step in creating a new you to win her back is to START living the life you want to live and being the person you and SHE wants you to be.

It can’t be that difficult or too far a reach or disconnect or else she wouldn’t have dated you in the first place right? We are all primed from early childhood, allocated labels, “athletic,” “academic,” “artistic” etc., but often these labels are self-fulfilling prophecies that create our identity as opposed to shaping our own identity.

Explore A New You

Despite the fact that your breakup with your ex might have been the catalyst for your desire to change, self-actualization, or becoming more confident is part of life’s evolution. With evolution, your needs change, you acquire wisdom and experience and now you have reached a stage where you need to try something different.

You may want to explore a new career, move to a different location, explore other activities and behaviors. In fact, this could also be the reason your relationship with your ex back-fired. Neither of you were getting what you needed. Perhaps she felt unappreciated or bored, and perhaps you found excuses to be away from home. However, the breakup between the two of you is treating the symptom, not the cause.

Take Care Of Yourself

Take the next couple of days to make a list of all the positive and negative factors in your relationship but at the same time, look after your health by eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep. This time apart allows you to reassess your life, and your possible life together with your ex, objectively.

By the time you meet up with your ex she will already begin to see the ‘new emerging you’; and might possibly be inspired to join you. Whatever the situation, it is important to remember that you’re not stuck with who you were in the past. We often feel like who or what we aspire to be has to “make sense.” But we’re always growing, and taking a leap into a new life is exciting and even better with your ex by your side.

It starts off as small steps and it was Confucius who said: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step,” and so to create a new you and a new relationship, it’s often the little things that are the first step.

How To Cook For A Woman And Win Her Heart

Michael Webb — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 23:00:36 +0000

Girls love coming home from work and not having to fix a meal – so surprise her with your skills as a chef – and follow it up with an evening full of romance. If you play your cards right, you could definitely make your girl swoon, and you might just get a little nookie out of the deal too! Here’s how to plan a super special evening where you’re in control and all she has to do is sit back and relax!

Preparation Is Important

Preparation is important here! Make sure your home is neat, tidy and most of all, comfortable. If you have kids, make sure you have organized a babysitter who can watch the children in their home. If this isn’t feasible, arrange to have a babysitter on standby at your home. Make sure that whoever is watching your kids is prepared for “overtime” if you and your lover end up getting a little frisky after dinner.

Set a flirty mood by sending the invitation to dinner to her office, leave it on her bed, in her briefcase or even send a romantic electronic invite. The fact that you actually took the time to “formally” invite her to dinner at your home will intrigue her enough that you’re almost guaranteed a “yes!”

Planning The Menu

Make sure you plan the menu well ahead of time and shop for the ingredients that you need a few days before your date. This way, if there’s anything that you’ve missed or that you run out of, you still have plenty of time to run to the store without things turning into a giant mess.

Figuring out what to make can be difficult, because you want something that is quick enough that it leaves you time for seduction at the end of the meal but you also want something nice enough that it will impress your gal. Furthermore, you don’t want something so complicated that you’re bound to screw it up and you also want to make sure it’s something she’ll actually like too! What a list! Make sure you know about any food allergies your partner may or may not have before you go shopping.

Time For Fun!

Now’s the time for “dress up” or should we call it “dress down.” Choose a masculine apron and strip naked, leaving your front covered with just your butt cheeks showing. Obviously, you would have ensured that you are freshly showered, wearing your best aftershave and have removed any unwanted hair she might have an aversion to (be it back or butt hair for that matter!).

Make a slightly exaggerated but “cheeky” effort in transforming your lounge/dining room into a sensual, romantic setting. Bend over catching her eye as you lay out the scented candles; carefully chosen mood music and table settings. Adjust the suitable temperature heating (comfortable enough to disrobe in) and check the working CD/IPOD.

Getting Down To Business

Now it’s time for the “main course.” Act the part of the gentleman and tell her you are going to “dress for dinner,” and come out in your TUX (or as fancy as you have). If she objects, saying that she would rather you stay as you are – then obey the lady, after all, the intention is to get naked anyway.

Surprise her by playing a little scene out of the movie (9½ weeks) by blindfolding her; feeding her little portions from the plate and making her guess what food it is. If she gets it wrong, she has to pay a forfeit and what forfeit is entirely up to you – use your imagination and choose one that she would feel comfortable with. Reverse the roles and allow her to do the same to you. Feeding one another is a highly erotic aspect of foreplay that bodes extremely well in building up anticipation.

Following Up With Romance

Last but not least, make sure you have scattered red rose petals all over the area you plan to use to make love, whether it is the bedroom, fireplace or next to the hot tub! You will have planned this before you started cooking, so that you and your lover have a romantic, sensual place to go when things get too hot in the kitchen!

Relationship Advice: How To Make A Major Decision With Your Partner

Andrew Wang — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 23:00:04 +0000

Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without too much fighting.

When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.

You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.

Take Time To Talk About It

The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.

If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.

Lay Out The Facts

Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.

Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.

Looking For Compromise

After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.

Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?

Staying Calm, Cool And Rational

If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.

Relationship Advice: How To Travel Together For The First Time

Andrew Wang — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 23:00:52 +0000

In a relationship, you’re going to want to go places with your partner at some point. Here’s how to make sure your relationship survives the trip.

It can be very exciting when the time comes for you and your significant other to take your first vacation together. Time away from your everyday surroundings and obligations can make for a truly wonderful bonding experience. But travels don’t always go as planned, and you may find yourself encountering a side of your partner you don’t find very attractive. How can you make sure that your trip goes smoothly? Lots of advance planning helps, along with patience and a good sense of humor.

Plan Ahead!

It’s always important to have a rock solid plan when you’re traveling, but never more so than when it’s the first time in the relationship that you and your mate go away together. The better you plan, the less you’ll have to worry over during the trip. First and foremost, make sure to pick a place you’re both truly interested in visiting. Since it’s your first trip together, unless you’re both seasoned travelers, you should probably stay closer to home.

A domestic destination promises a shorter flight, no need for passports, and no language barrier to worry about. It can also make for a more affordable trip, which can help eliminate a common traveling worry—overspending. Minimizing stressors before you’ve even stepped into the airport can be very helpful. Speaking of airports, you’ll also need to decide on a mode of transportation. For a first trip, flying or taking a train is probably your best option.

Road trips are notorious for quickly going from great to terrible; you can get lost, your car can break down, etc. While flying and taking the train also have their drawbacks, at least neither of you will be directly to blame if something does go wrong. After settling on a destination and a mode of transportation, make sure to pick your accommodations together. Agree ahead of time on how you’ll pay for your lodgings, so you won’t have to worry about it later.

Allow For Extra Time & Plan What To Pack

A few days prior to your trip, plan how you’ll be getting to the airport or train station. Establish a meeting time and place that allows you both extra time to get there. If one of you cuts it too close and is late, you’ll be starting your romantic getaway with a guaranteed fight. Next, plan what to pack together. You want to make sure that both of you bring the right clothing for any activities that either of you have in mind, like a fancy dinner out, hiking, swimming, etc. That way, none of your plans will be ruined because someone doesn’t have the right clothing to participate.

You should also make sure you both pack a few things to keep you entertained on the journey. You’ll want to bring a couple of things you can enjoy together, like playing cards. However, you shouldn’t assume that your mate will stay awake and entertain you through the whole flight. Bring a book or an MP3 player in case your S.O. falls asleep while you’re en route.

Remember To Have Fun!

Once you’ve arrived, let the fun begin. Different people have different traveling styles, so you may discover that you’re more laidback, while the person you’re in a relationship with is a scheduler. If you two don’t see eye to eye on how to manage your daily activities, try to compromise. Block out half of the day to be spontaneous and the other half to stick to an itinerary. Being able to compromise during your vacation won’t just make your trip easier, but will also demonstrate that you are generally considerate.

What if you encounter a traveling disaster? How you handle little road bumps will say a lot about you as a person and a partner. Try not to panic or go into heavy complaint mode. Remain calm, help your mate calm down as well, and remind yourselves that you’re just on vacation. Don’t let someone’s lost wallet or an extreme flight delay ruin your entire trip. Showing some grace under pressure and keeping things light will turn you into a hero.

Don’t Let A Bad Vacation Ruin Your Relationship

What if the vacation disaster is that you really don’t like being with your boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7? The best thing you can do is suck it up and weather the trip, then get home and think about where your relationship is headed. Don’t do anything rash when you’re away from home. While a vacation together can teach you a lot about each other, you shouldn’t let one bad week in unfamiliar territory ruin your entire relationship. Of course, most vacations go wonderfully, and you may return more in love than ever before. Planning ahead and staying flexible once you arrive will certainly help toward getting that happy result.

How To Seduce Your Ex With A Kiss

Michael Webb — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 23:00:45 +0000

Kissing tips for your ex may seem like pointless since you broke up, but the right kissing tips can actually seduce them into wanting to get back with you! First, you’ve got her to agree to going on a make up date with you but you are both aware of the need to the trust between the two of you to be rebuilt. So it’s time to take it slow. Agree on the limitations between the two of you upfront so there is no misunderstanding because believe you me, when you have finished with your lips, she’ll be begging for it!

Start Off Slow

With agreement at hand, you have to respect the decision to take it slow! However taking it slow doesn’t necessarily mean just holding hands. You’d be surprised as to how erotic, exciting and anticipatory restricting your physical contact can actually be.

There are many types or sorts of kissing that dangle on a continuum that ranges from foreplay to after play like a g-string on a wash line. These kisses range from playful kisses like the chocolate kiss to the cold, peeled grapes kiss. Have I got your attention now?

Don’t Kiss Just Her Mouth

The Kama Sutra lists 19 different types of kisses, but now is your time to invent more! Pay attention to the areas of her body you have neglected before. Just because you are kissing her doesn’t mean you have to restrict yourself to her lips. Why don’t you pay lavish attention to her legs, working your way along her legs, always remembering your self-control. Start at her little toes, to the top of her leg, then back down to her ankles, knees and so on, occasionally blowing against the back of her legs, alternating between hard and lighter breaths. This technique is sure to leave her begging for more!

The Chocolate Kiss

There is also the Chocolate Kiss. What women wouldn’t enjoy this one? It’s always best to use a smooth, creamy chocolate that melts easily in your mouth. The smoother the better, obviously! Once the chocolate starts to melt, kiss her and twirl your tongues around hers.

One could also use hard but small pieces of candy, mix up the colors and try and guess at the different flavors, the fun part being trying to steal her bits of candy as she does yours.

Other creative contributors to “sweet kisses” are caramel, strawberries and cream, which involve the seductive licking of spoons, feeding one another strawberries, exchanging the strawberries with whipped cream between each other’s mouth.

The Champagne Kiss

Champagne or fizzy drink can provide a different sensation so the more fizz, the better. When you are ready to kiss her, take a sip and keep some in your mouth, dribble some into your partners’ mouth gently so that you share more than spill into one another’s mouth.

Use Your Teeth

Okay, so we’ve spoken about lips, but what’s inside the lips besides the tongue are the teeth. Now that’s an interesting thought. Starting slowly, simply graze parts of her body as you kiss her, using the edges of your teeth almost like fingernails, or as you would your tongue, lightly tickling her shoulders, arms and hands. Suck on each one of her fingers and, as you remove them from your mouth, softly apply pressure using your teeth.

Nibble Her Skin

If she enjoyed this, try lightly biting the back of her neck or other body parts in between passionate kissing. Don’t overdo it and remember, when you feel you are going to lose control – STOP! Your agreement was to take it slow, to build trust and I can assure you, by the time the next date night arrives, she will be ready to jump your bones!

Conflict Resolution: How To Apologize Gracefully

Andrew Wang — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 23:00:23 +0000

No matter how fantastic your relationship is, there are going to be times when you screw up. We’re only human and we all make mistakes. Whether you say something particularly mean in the heat of an argument, or do something far more serious, you’re going to have to apologize every now and again. As such, it’s pretty important to know how to apologize the right way.

Sometimes a simple “sorry” just doesn’t cut it. In fact, if you do a poor job of apologizing, you may find yourself getting into a whole new argument with your S.O. and you’ll never reach a conflict resolution. A truly good, genuine apology, however, can be like a well-executed set of stitches. Not only does it close the wound you’ve opened up, but it can minimize the chance of future emotional scarring.

Mean What You Say

Though it may seem obvious, one of the most important ways to apologize properly is to really mean it. If your apology is cast off carelessly just to end the fight at hand, it won’t be believable. An insincere apology will only rile your mate up, not satisfy their need for appeasement. Instead of hastily saying you’re sorry, hear your partner’s argument all the way through.

Then pause to consider what you’ve done wrong, and genuinely apologize for it. It can be hard to acknowledge your own wrong-doing, but if you really love your partner, you need to admit that you did something wrong and are really sorry about it. If you’re not really sorry, then you need to call a time out on the argument so you can think more by yourself.

Choose Your Words Carefully

When you actually go about apologizing, you really need to be careful with your word choice. Saying things like “I’m sorry you’re so angry” or “I’m sorry that you don’t approve of what I did” isn’t really apologizing and won’t do anything for actual conflict resolution. That’s just turning things around on your partner under the guise that you’re sorry. You need to actually take responsibility for your actions when you apologize (i.e. “I’m sorry that I forgot to mail our rent check this month”.)

You also need to be careful with your tone. Don’t yell your apology angrily, and don’t let sarcasm creep into your voice. Take a good, deep breath to calm yourself down before you start speaking. If your S.O. starts to interrupt you as you’re talking, just let them. After they’ve said their piece, start your apology again. If you keep your cool, even if your partner can’t, your apology will feel more genuine.

See Your Partner’s Point Of View

To further improve upon your apology, make sure to acknowledge that you understand where your partner is coming from. Simply stating that you get why they’re mad shows a level of empathy and regret that they’ll appreciate. If you really want to win them over, say that you want to discuss how to prevent a situation like this from happening again.

Ask for their advice and input. Inviting them to help figure out the best conflict resolution reminds them that you really do value their opinion and their role in your life. Part of apologizing is not only showing that you are truly sorry for what you’ve done, but also showing that you want to keep from repeating your mistakes in the future. A hug and a kiss once you’ve both calmed down never hurts, either!

How To Get Your Way In A Relationship

Andrew Wang — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 23:00:40 +0000

A relationship is a give and take – isn’t it? Not always – here are some strategies that will help you get your way in a relationship when you need to.

No matter how in love you may be, there are going to be plenty of times in your relationship where you and your significant other disagree about something. Maybe you can’t decide on where to move to, or maybe you just can’t agree on what to have for dinner. Either way, it is possible to get your way without coming off like a self-centered jerk. You just have to make a calm, reasonable argument and know how to pick your battles.

How Important Is It?

If you find that you and your partner are at an impasse, the first thing to do is to decide how truly important it is that you get your way. How upset will you really be if you have to let your S.O. win on this particular topic? If you feel that you can live with it, you should go ahead and let your partner win. In doing so, you’ll not only end the debating, but you’ll also give yourself bargaining power in future disagreements.

If you agree to move into your boyfriend or girlfriend’s apartment instead of having them move into your place, you may find that you have the upper hand when it comes to choosing your next place of residence.

On the other hand, if you decide that you really want to get your way on the matter at hand, you may have to suggest that you’ll let your significant other make the call next time. Either way, ensuring that neither of you always gets their way is a compromise that can pay off. It makes sure that you don’t look too self involved when it is your turn to get your way.

Solidify Your Argument

When you are determined to come out on top, make sure that you have a truly solid argument. A lawyer wouldn’t show up to court without having done their research, and you shouldn’t show up to a decision-making debate empty handed, either.

Let’s say you get a job offer that would require you both to move, and you know your partner likes where you currently live. You need to have a well-considered list of positives when the time comes to discuss the issue.

Moreover, your argument can’t just be about how the move would be good for you. You should be able to point out how it will benefit you, how it will benefit your mate, and how it will benefit you as a couple. Don’t gloss over things or fib about how great it will be, but do look for a way to sell your S.O. on it.

You might start by admitting that this new city will be more expensive than where you currently live, but that the raise you’ll be getting and all of the added amenities will make it worthwhile. Perhaps your partner loves hiking, and you know that this new city is near a big national park.

Not only will these positive revelations make your partner feel better about moving, but demonstrating how much research you’ve put into the decision shows them how much you care about it. If you can make them see how important it is to you, your S.O. will be more likely to let you have your way.

It’s also key that you make them feel included in the decision, even if the outcome does end up in your favor. Never make a big decision without consulting your partner, even if you suspect that it will take some effort to win them over.

Stay Calm And Don’t Be Critical

Ultimately, if you can remain calm and congenial while making a clear, solid argument, you’ll drastically increase your odds of getting your way. Promising to compromise on future issues or offering a trade off can help.

Most importantly, make sure that your significant other knows that you really do care about their opinion in the matter, and they are sure to show you the same respect.

How To Reveal A Deep, Dark Secret To Your Partner

Andrew Wang — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 23:00:35 +0000

A relationship involves honesty and trust – so what do you do if you have a secret that you should share with your S.O.? We all have secrets, some of which are significantly less pleasant than others. Maintaining trust and honesty is probably the best relationship advice you’ll ever get. As a result, there may come a time wherein you have to come clean about a dark secret or two to your S.O.

It won’t be an easy thing to do, and you may be tempted to chicken out. That’s when you have to remember that your significant other will be far angrier about your secret if they find out about it from someone other than you. What many people fail to understand is that the act of hiding something is often as bad (or worse!) than the very thing you’re hiding. Keep that in mind and you’ll realize that you have to move forward with talking about your secret, no matter how difficult it will seem.

How To Make It Less Painful

There are, however, ways to make your big revelation less painful. First and foremost, never tell a dark secret in the heat of the moment. The time to tell your girlfriend that you have herpes isn’t in the middle of a hot and heavy make-out session. You need to tell her well before it gets to that point, and you need to do it in a manner that befits the gravity of your news. Wait until you’re in private and let her know that you need to talk to her about something.

Then tell her the bad news and provide her with as much information as you possibly can. In the case of the STD revelation, be certain to fill her in on all the precautions you can take together, on any testing she might need to get (which you should offer to pay for), etc. She will likely be upset, but your diligence will show her that you will do everything you can to make the situation right. Be understanding if she’s freaked out and needs a breather.

Sooner Is Better Than Later

Getting the secret out sooner rather than later is generally a good bit of relationship advice. The longer it festers before you bring it to light, the angrier your girlfriend will be. Let’s say that your credit is less than desirable. Your boyfriend has proposed to you and you’re having a discussion about all the things you’ll need to do surrounding your impending marriage. Instead of waiting to talk about your poor credit score until after your wedding, bring it up now.

When he brings up the question of whether or not you should combine your finances, be honest about your debt. Tell him you want to work together with him to figure out the best solution possible. No one enjoys discussing financial problems with their significant other, but it’s an important talk to have. You could keep it a secret now, only to have it bite you in the rear later when you try to apply for a home loan together. When your spouse finds out you hid it from him for all that time, he’ll be far more upset with you.

Maintaining Control Over The Situation

Another reason that it’s important to tell your significant other your unpleasant secret as early as possible is that it gives you more control over how you break the news. It’s better to have a serious talk on a day when your lover is in a good mood than on one when they’re already upset about something else in their lives. If you have to come out with a secret at the last minute, you can’t control what kind of day your mate’s been having. You also might not have time to prepare appropriately before then.

That means that you won’t have any good news, like being able to list possible solutions, to talk about alongside the bad. Plus, the longer you put it off, the higher the chance that your lover will find out from someone else or through another channel, which just makes you look like a big, fat liar. Plan out how you’re going to do it and make sure you have as much control over the situation as possible. As a result, you’ll likely have an easier time with your discussion. Take this relationship advice and do anything you can to soften the blow for your significant other.

How To Compliment A Girl And Make Her Melt (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:00:31 +0000

Romance goes a long way with a woman – a little effort can make a big difference. Complimenting a woman is one way to make her feel great about herself and closer to you. A simple phrase with a hint of romance can be enough to make a woman fall head over heels for you. Here’s how a compliment can sweep her off her feet – and into your arms!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Women Love Romance

Almost every woman loves romance – they love to be sweet talked and told how beautiful they are or how much they mean to a guy. This is another one of those big “men are different than women” things – men don’t put as much stock into words themselves as women do. Words mean a lot to women and with the right words, you can have direct entry into a woman’s heart. If you say the right things, you’ll make a woman melt almost immediately!

Compliments To Use

When you compliment a woman, what you say goes directly into her brain and into her heart. She’ll remember what you said for weeks, months or even years and if it’s something really special, she’ll never forget it. Here are some great compliments to use when you want to make a woman swoon:

Start any sentence with “I love it when you….” Fill in the blank with something she does that you think is cute or that makes your life easier. This can be really effective if you know she goes out of her way to do something for you. Telling her you love this shows her that a) you noticed that she did it and b) that you appreciate it. That kind of compliment is golden!
“You make me….” Use this one to tell her about something she does to make your life better in some way. Women love to fix their guys – so tell her something that she’s done for you that makes things easier or better for you.
Compliment her in ways that make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world. Make her feel like she’s truly unique, special and there’s no one else in the world like her. Tell her why she’s perfect for you and how she’s absolutely irreplaceable.

Old Favorites

There are some sayings that have been around for awhile that still work – in fact, these phrases are probably what you’d consider to be a “hammer” in your compliment tool belt. Nothing new or fancy, but these phrases definitely do the trick.

Saying “I love you” is always in style. Of course, you want to make sure that you’re in that stage of your relationship before you bust out the L-word. If you just met that day, this probably isn’t appropriate to use.
Tell her that she’s beautiful. Use the word “beautiful” – you may think that “hot” equates to the same thing, but for a woman, it doesn’t. If you tell her that she’s “hot,” she’ll think you regard her as more of an object than a person. Tell her how breathtaking she looks instead.

Being Genuine Is Everything

Don’t just say empty words when you give a woman a compliment. She will see right through it before you even finish getting the sentence out of your mouth. Make sure that you mean what you say! Because women speak in the language of emotions, it’s important to attach your emotions to everything you say. Yes, you’re making yourself a little more vulnerable this way, but it’s exactly what is going to make the difference to your woman.

Pick up lines aren’t what you want to use to give your partner or a woman you like a genuine compliment. What you say needs to come directly from your heart – not memorized beforehand. When talking to a woman, don’t over-exaggerate. Be honest and put the real you out there.

Have A Positive Focus

When wooing a woman with romance, you want to make sure that what you’re saying has a positive focus. Stay focused on talking about the things you like about your woman, not the things that you don’t like. A great way to be positive is to be kind and appreciative of the thinks you like about your partner about of the things she does for you to make your life better.

Actions do speak louder than words, so you also want to make sure that you’re doing kind things in addition to saying nice and sweet things to your woman. If you’re saying one thing but doing another, you’re only going to confuse or upset her. Here’s how to really show a woman that she’s important to you:

Spend time with her. If you’re on the phone, get off and talk to her instead.
Make eye contact with her. Show her you care about her through your eyes.
Show her that you’re grateful for her being in your life.
Show her that she’s important to you and you’re happy she’s there with you.

If you compliment a woman and show her that you really care, you’ll make her melt in no time!

How To Get Her To Fall In Love With You (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 14:00:16 +0000

Love is something every man wants but doesn’t always know how to get. Women naturally want to give love – it’s hardwired into their DNA. They imagine what it would be like to fall head over heels for a guy since they were little girls! Every girl wants to be swept off her feet, so here’s how to get any woman to fall in love, almost instantly!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Mars vs. Venus

Men and women are different in almost every single way, and how love is perceived is one of them. The way guys and gals feel about love itself is so different that most men usually can’t even fathom what goes through a woman’s head when she’s falling for a guy. It can be difficult for him to know what to say or do to get a woman to swoon but there are lots of easy ways you can increase the chances that she will be attracted to you and fall in love.

What Is Love, Anyway?

Take a step back and examine the idea of love in general. Most people would define it as a deeply intense emotional connection with another person. However, that is only partly true – there is another definition of the emotion that explains what love is and why it makes us feel the way we do.

Literally, love is a series of complex chemicals released from your brain into your body that can affect several things such as your mood, emotions and energy levels. When these chemicals are released, they create the positive feelings of being “in love.”

How Do Women Really Feel About It?

Women spend their entire lives getting ready for love – it’s one of the most important things to a woman and it’s completely woven into the messages that society sends to women. Girls think about it often even from a very young age – they think about the man they’re going to marry or what it might feel like when they finally do go head over heels for a guy.

To be successful in getting a woman to swoon over you, you have to understand that for a woman, love is extremely important. So get ready to stack the cards in your favor and do a few things to increase the chances that she will fall for you.

Make Nice With Your Girl’s Friends And Family

To some degree, a woman’s friends and family have to approve of you for her to be interested in being your partner for the long haul. If you’re a total jerk to her family members or her friends, or do things that the people who are important to your woman disapprove of, you’re just stacking the deck against yourself.

It’s very difficult for a woman to love a man who her family or friends dislike, so make it easier for her by being on your best behavior around people who matter to your woman.

Open Up And Be Emotional

It’s important to make sure you come across as a strong, happy guy with a lot of confidence, however, you also can’t be afraid to show emotion. Women speak in the language of emotions, so hiding yours or acting like you don’t care about hers isn’t going to get you very far at all.

Make sure you show your girl that her emotions are important to you and that you’re not afraid to show your emotions when you are together. Making yourself a little vulnerable to her will make it easier for her to have strong feelings towards you.

Get To Know Your Girl

If you really want to develop a deep bond with a woman, take some time to really get to know her and who she is. Show real and genuine interest in the things that she likes and ask questions about what passions she has and what drives her to do what she does.

Make a habit to actually listen when she’s talking to you and make mental notes about what is really and truly important to your woman. This will show her that you actually do care and the things that mean something to her mean something to you too.

Give Her The Best Sex Of Her Life

Women associate emotion with sex – it’s just part of who they are and how they feel about sex. When they experience an amazing orgasm, they’re more likely to feel strong emotions towards the person they had sex with. Make yourself that person by giving your girl the best sex she’s ever had!

Learn to be an incredible lover. Take some time to read up on how to give a woman a sheet soaking orgasm – don’t think that just because you’ve been having sex for a while that you know everything there is to know about how to please a woman. There’s probably a lot you don’t know – so read up on how to really give a woman pleasure and then practice on your partner.

Be the best she’s ever had! Make sure that she has an orgasm first and pay attention to her body language to determine whether you’re on the right track or not. She’ll let you know what she likes and doesn’t like by the way her body responds to your touches.

Remember To Give Her Space

Girls are complicated – they need to feel close to a guy but at the same time, they need enough space to still feel like they’re independent. Make sure your girl has a life outside of your relationship. Encourage your girl to spend time with her own friends and do things that are fun without you. Take the opportunity to spend some time with your own friends and show your girl that you’re strong, confident and independent too.

You want to get close to a woman – both physically and emotionally – to get her to fall in love, but you want to make sure that you’re not too clingy or needy and that you’re giving your girl plenty of space as well.

Love Yourself First

Remember that the best way to get love from other people is to love yourself first and be someone who other people will naturally love too. If you don’t accept yourself and see yourself as worthy of other people’s love, other people aren’t going to see you worthy of it either.

When you have that inner strength and confidence, it’s incredible how many people are drawn to you and attracted to you. People naturally want to be around others who are happy and who love themselves. If you truly love yourself and accept yourself for who you are and what you have to offer the world, others (including women) will fall in love with you too.

Top 5 Ways To Keep Your Woman Happy

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 23:00:45 +0000

A relationship takes some effort to stay fulfilling. For guys, keeping a girl happy can be tough. You’ve got yourself an amazing woman, and even more amazingly, she’s happy with you! Congratulations, grasshopper! But that was the easy part. Finding a girl and making her happy, anyone can do that. KEEPING her happy, that’s the rub. Here are five ways to make sure she stays satisfied:

What She Said:

Take her on romantic date nights.
Offer to help (and follow through on said offer) with cooking and cleaning.
Thoughtful gifts – diamonds are always good!
Remain faithful and make her feel like she’s “Number One.”
Share/communicate your feelings.

I can feel our male readership cringing from here. Don’t worry guys; it’s not as painful as it sounds! The above are guidelines – you’re still allowed to intrinsically be yourself. After all, that’s whom your girlfriend (or wife) fell for in the first place.

Treating Her With Love And Respect

What this list entails are actions to refer to as your relationship goes along. It means checking in, communicating and not taking your awesome mate for granted. It also means, as you continue to treat her well, that you can expect the same from her. Again, it’s not about a tit-for-tat exchange of favors – it’s about consistently treating each other with love and respect.

How To Make Sure She Stays In Love

What does marking her birthday with a thoughtful gift; planning date nights and washing the dishes get you? Unconditional love, foot rubs when you need them and a steady flow of sex with someone you adore. That doesn’t sound too bad! And remember, for every Valentine’s Day there’s a Steak & Blowjob Day just around the corner. (More on that soon!)

What He Said:

The 3 C’s (Chocolate, compliments and cunnilingus)
Regular massages (from you or someone else)
Consistency
Regular Romance
A housekeeper

The three c’s are pretty self-explanatory. Women tend to enjoy them and they really can’t seem to get enough of any of them. Individually they are great, put the three together in a single evening and she may worship the ground you walk on for life.

Help Her Relax

Massages are great too. It’s a tough world, especially for women and often the issue is in the tissue. You gotta get it out, the stress, tension, knots, etc have to go. You should always be giving them, but making sure she gets regular rub downs from trained professionals (who leave the happy endings to the two of you!)

Consistency is an overlooked component. A man does not choose a woman, a woman chooses the man. She chose you for a reason. Figure it out what it is and make sure that you deliver on a regular basis. When she says things like “I don’t know who you are any more” or “you’ve changed” it means “Hey! I chose that guy and now your some other dude. Where did he go? “ Don’t let that happen.

Keep The Romance Alive

Regular romance can mean anything, but spending doesn’t have to be a part of it. Thoughtful gifts that show you are paying attention are great. It shouldn’t be about money or flowers, or stuff. It needs to show her that you are listening and you care. The best gifts you can give her are the ones that she never explicitly asks for. She will tell you want she wants, if you listen, but if she has to say “I want x for Christmas” that’s not so good.

A housekeeper is like female Viagra. If your woman comes home to a freshly cleaned apartment that she didn’t clean, she will probably rape you on the spot. Because it shows that you listen that you care and that she’s important.

If you combine these five things into your relationship, you’ll be good. If you combine them into a single day (and do so on a regular basis) you will never worry about keeping her happy again.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

Andrew Wang — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:00:45 +0000

A relationship is based on many things, including having things in common. However, can people who don’t have things in common be attracted to each other?

It’s hard to think that “opposites attract” would have become such a common saying if there weren’t some truth in it. What does it really mean, though? Can you be total opposites in every way and still make for a perfect love match? Or do some opposites work together better than others? If you find yourself attracted to someone who seems really different from you, how can you tell if it will be more than a passing fling?

What Is So Different?

The first thing to address is exactly what’s so different about you and your new love interest. Maybe you like different types of music or different movies and TV shows. Perhaps you love to read fictional novels and your new partner only reads nonfiction. Maybe he or she doesn’t enjoy reading at all. Some people would worry that, without common hobbies or interests, you will run out of things to talk about early on in your relationship.

That’s not necessarily true, however. Perhaps you’re both open-minded types who are generally curious. In that case, you might end up learning about a lot of new things through your partner, and vice versa. Your differences may end up being the very things that keep you the most interested in each other.

How Far Do Your Opposite Qualities Go?

What if your opposite qualities go beyond things like hobbies, though? What if your very personalities are what make you opposites? Sometimes that can be a good thing. If you’re a big talker and your partner is more of an observer and listener, you may find that you’re extremely well matched. If one of you is more of a control freak and the other likes to go with the flow, the Type B person may be perfectly fine with letting the Type A one make all the decisions.

In fact, that pairing would probably be far less disastrous than getting two bossy Type A folks together. Other opposite pairings probably wouldn’t fair as well. If you’re a neat freak and your new boyfriend or girlfriend is a slob, it’s highly likely you’ll be experiencing problems the minute you start living together. If you’re a goody two shoes dating a bad boy or girl, it may seem fun for now. As things get more serious further down the line, however, you may find that his or her unwillingness to shape up is incredibly unattractive.

Breaking It Down Logically

The best way to figure out if your opposite qualities can meld to form a happy relationship is to think about them logically. Try to imagine your new significant other’s traits in someone who you don’t find sexually attractive. Would you want to be that person’s friend, or would you dislike spending time with them? If the latter is true, then the only reason you’re really into Mister or Miss Opposite is that you find them physically attractive.

Aging happens, and they might not be so hot several years from now. You don’t want to stick with someone who you won’t enjoy talking to once their looks fade. If you do think that you’d still want to hang out with them, then your opposite traits and interests are working in your favor. People often wonder how a staunch Republican and a lifelong Democrat can fall in love, but it happens.

Whether they’re both impressed by their mutual passion for politics, or they both get a kick out of debating each other, there are certain kinds of people who can make their differences work for them. If you’re one of those people, you just might find that your perfect love match is your polar opposite.

He Wants Kids And She Doesn’t – Now What?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 23:00:46 +0000

A relationship comes with lots of big decisions – one of which is whether to have kids. What do you and your partner do when you disagree about children, and what do you do if you and your partner once agreed about having kids but now disagree?

My hubby and I always wanted to have kids. We waited till we were financially “ready” and now that we’re “ready” I’ve decided I don’t want them anymore. How do I bring this up to him?

What She Said

Let me state the obvious – deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most colossal decisions you’ll ever make. Yep, that’s why they pay me the big bucks!

Wants And Needs Change Throughout Life

Let’s first examine why you’ve changed your mind. I want to applaud you for realizing this avenue may not be for you. Though we’re of a different generation, there’s still a lot of pressure for women in a marriage to have kids, whether it be from family or society. It takes courage to acknowledge that you may want to do something else.

Only you know why you’ve changed your mind – I can’t even begin to guess the myriad of reasons. Maybe your biological clock never turned on. Not every female is inherently mothering and that’s okay. Perhaps you want to travel or focus on your career, both of which are great options. I’m sure you’re getting pressure from your husband to give him an answer as to why you’ve changed your mind, so hopefully you’re clear in your reasons.

Recognizing Fear As A Factor

Let me speak on your husband’s behalf for a moment and ask you if fear is a factor. Rumor has it there never is quite the perfect time to have a baby. If you were putting off because you’re secretly afraid that it will change your relationship, but it’s something that you actually want to do, I’d encourage you to consider moving forward. Yes, it will change your life irrevocably – but if you and your husband are in a happy relationship and want to add a baby to the mix, embrace the change.

Once again, having children is a huge decision and an even bigger responsibility. Men have biological clocks as well and your husband’s may be going off. This is a tricky situation with no easy out. If having kids is something your husband really wants to experience, he deserves to have that. However, I wouldn’t advise having a baby just to make your husband happy. That’s not going to end well for anyone involved, most importantly the child!

Try To Compromise

Usually I can wrap these questions up in a tidier package. Today I say: keep talking and try to aim for some kind of compromise. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might have to let each other go if neither one of you can get what you want.

What He Said:

If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you never will.

If you’re scared, you should be. It’s a big deal. It’s permanent and will change your relationship and your life. And it’s 24/7.So if you’re scared, it’s normal. And if that’s the case you may need to simply make peace with the fact that you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, but that it will be okay, no matter what.

You Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

It’s also possible that you’ve changed. Maybe you really don’t want kids anymore, for whatever reason. That’s something your husband needs to know. There’s no easy way to say it, so just drop the bomb and then begin to move forward. You need to realize that this may be a deal breaker for him and your husband will want to argue his point – you did tell him when you got married that you wanted kids and, now you don’t.

Or, it may be a non issue. Your husband may not want them anymore either or accept that you don’t and still want to be with you regardless. There’s only one way to find out.

How To Buy The Perfect Gift For Your Partner

Andrew Wang — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 23:00:03 +0000

Romance means buying gifts for your partner, whether it’s your fifteenth Christmas together or first Valentine’s Day. Gift giving is just part of being in a relationship. Choosing a present to give to your S.O. is a bit more complex than getting one for your sibling or coworker.

Many factors can go into your decision— how long you’ve been together, your budget, how serious your relationship currently is and how serious you hope it will shortly become. On top of all that, you also want to make sure you get your partner something he or she will genuinely like.

Consider The Situation You’re Buying For

One of the most important things to consider when choosing a gift for your S.O. is whether or not it will be appropriate for the particular situation. The first factor to mull over is exactly what will work for the point you’re at in your relationship. If you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and your boyfriend or girlfriend’s birthday is at hand, you want to get them a good gift, but nothing so over the top with romance that it catches them off guard.

A gift like pricey jewelry or a vacation is fine when you’ve been together for a few years, but could be misconstrued early on in a relationship. Plus, it’s also important to consider shopping within an appropriate budget. When there’s a holiday that involves an exchange of gifts, you don’t want to overspend and make your partner feel like they were cheap by comparison.

Of course, if you’ve been together for a few years and buy your partner something obviously inexpensive, that can be equally awkward. As a rule, if you think about how serious your relationship is, then seek out a gift that’s similarly serious, you’ll be fine.

Think Outside The Box

The quality of the gift is not always determined by the cost. It’s most important to show that you put actual thought into the gift you’re getting. If you know that your significant other likes flowers and jewelry, or other more typical gifts, then that’s fine. Yet you’ll be amazed at how much more your gift will be appreciated if you think a bit outside of the box. Instead of picking out a typical piece of jewelry from a chain store, choose something one-of-a-kind from a boutique or a site like Etsy.com.

If you’re buying any kind of clothing, jewelry, etc., also be sure to pay attention to what your S.O. already wears. If you buy them something that reflects their tastes instead of yours, they’ll be certain to love it and wear it often. You’ll also demonstrate that you’ve been paying attention to their taste, which proves that you’re thoughtful. Hard to find items, like out-of-print books or DVD’s, can also make impressive gifts, because you had to work a little to track them down.

Give Your Partner An Experience

Great dates can also be full of romance and make excellent gifts. While surprise vacations can be wonderful gifts for people in more serious relationships, there are smaller activity gifts that work well even after a few weeks of dating. Perhaps you know that your boyfriend loves a certain sports team, or your girlfriend has a favorite band that’s on tour.

Purchase a pair of tickets to an upcoming game or concert, plan a day around it, and give your partner the gift of some awesome memories. You’ll score even more points if you’re willing to take your partner out for something you’re not personally interested in. If you can make it through a few Tango classes despite your distaste for dancing, your Latin-dance-loving partner will appreciate it all the more.

Keeping Things Low Cost By Making A Gift

If you’re working on a small budget, you can always create a gift yourself. Handmade presents don’t have to be cheesy or seem cheap. If you have a talent, run with it—create a piece of art, bake a bunch of sweets to put in a goody basket, or curate a music mix that you know your S.O. will enjoy. Handmade touches can also add a personal element of romance to a purchased gift.

For instance, sticking concert tickets into a case with a mix CD you made shows extra initiative and creativity. Thoughtful packaging doesn’t have to be homemade, either. If your sweetheart has a funny bone, you can add some humor by hiding a more meaningful present in something silly, like sticking a piece of jewelry inside a goofy novelty mug.

Knowing Your Partner

Ultimately, if you’re observant and take note of your significant other’s tastes and personality, you can give a great gift. Put thought and time into what you choose, and your boyfriend or girlfriend will be able to tell the minute they open it. You’ll impress them and show them how much you love them, whether your budget is big or small, your relationship long term or new.

11 Ways To Get Your Girlfriend Back

Michael Webb — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:00:25 +0000

Talk is cheap and you need money to pay the rent – or a better way of stating it is you need to fill the hole in your heart that’s been left there after a breakup. It’s time to act rather than speak. What is it they say, “Actions speak louder than words.” She’s not taking your calls, so these are the type of things you need to do:

Leave Flowers & A Note In Her Car

If she drives her own car, leaving a red rose on her windscreen with a hand note from you explaining that you know words are cheap and that you ask her to give you a chance to show her why the two of you are meant to be together. You need to leave a little hint of a proposed romantic rendezvous that gives enough information to show your sincerity but not too much so as to create an allure.

Leave Flowers Or A Gift On Her Doorstep

If she has moved out and is living with a friend/sister or parents, make sure that you do the same but leave it on her/their doorstep at a time you know she will definitely find it.

Don’t Give Her A Chance To Rethink

Ensure you have set the romantic date for the following evening (which you have planned well in advance) so that she does not have time to get 100 negative input ideas from over-protective friends and family.

Make Sure You Look Good!

Deck yourself out in the most attractive NEW clothes you can find, have a haircut, shave and use an aftershave she cannot resist.

Surprise Her With A New Place

Choose a restaurant that you two have never been to, that is extremely romantic, make sure you book the secluded corner table, even ask for a separate dining room/area if possible and arrive EARLY.

Treat Her Like A Queen

When she gets to the table (which she will if you have done what we tell you), then make sure you stand up as she approaches and treat her like a queen, pulling out her chair, and after you sit down, look at her, drink her in and hold her eyes with yours as you tell her how exceptionally beautiful she looks. Before she can scoff at her compliment (which she might view as a superficial compliment), rise from you chair, get down to eye level next her while she is seated in her chair and put your finger gently on her lips and ask her to just listen to what you have to say before she responds.

Explain Yourself – And Apologize

Staying where you are, you tell her how much she means to you, what a complete idiot you have been, how having her gone has left a hole greater than all the black holes in space, in your life. Tell her you are prepared to do anything and keep on doing anything for as long as it takes, even your entire lifetime, to prove this to her.

Kiss Her The Right Way

When you leave alone that night (a must in this case), ask her permission to kiss her and then kiss her with hedonistic ferocity that leaves her hungry for more, then gently pull back.

Be A Gentleman

Make sure she has a ride home, whether with you, a cabby or walk her to her car, like a gentleman.

Send A Follow Up Text

When you get home, text her telling her how much you enjoyed the evening, tell her how beautiful she looked and that you can’t wait to see her again.

Don’t Let Things Sit For Too Long

Follow up and confirm your next date and don’t leave it too long. There is a reason they call it the “art” of seduction. It involves creativity, patience and time.

How To Make Meeting Your S.O.’s Family Successful

Andrew Wang — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 23:00:02 +0000

Relationship advice is going to come in handy if you’re meeting your partner’s family for the first time. Here are some tips to make it go smoothly.

Whether you’re meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents for the first time, or going to your tenth holiday dinner at your in-laws’ place, interacting with your significant other’s family can be one of the most complex parts of your relationship. If you’re willing to be patient and make compromises, you’ll have an easier time with your new relatives-by-proxy.

Spending Time With In-Laws Can Be Stressful

There are two little words that can strike massive fear in the hearts of many men and women: in-laws. Spending time with your significant other’s family can be one of the most strange and stressful parts of your relationship. Unless your partner is a recent orphan, however, you’re not going to get out of family time. The best you can do is learn how to cope with them – while still being yourself and being confident.

If it’s the first time you’re meeting your significant other’s family members, there are a few ways to better prepare yourself. First of all, talk to your partner about his or her relatives – this is probably the best where your best relationship advice comes from because a little research about who these people really are can go a long way. You shouldn’t put up a front, but it is good to adjust yourself slightly to their expectations.

If they’re not big drinkers, don’t show up with a bottle of wine. If they traditionally dress up for dinner, trade in your jeans for a dress or slacks. Think of it like visiting a foreign country; you don’t want to look like a tourist, so you take a few tiny steps to fit in with the locals. This will also endear you to your mate, because he or she will be flattered that you care about impressing the parents.

Will You Fit In With Their Family?

What if, once you’ve met them, you find you don’t fit in at all? If you’re married, engaged, or moving in together, you won’t be able to avoid the in-laws forever. That means you need to strategize appropriately. Try to plan family gatherings that have set end times, so your visits won’t be painfully long. Look for the one or two things you do have in common and focus on them.

If you and your in-laws both love old movies, host a classic movie night at your place. They’ll feel welcomed and loved, and you won’t have to talk to them much during the movie. Have excuses at the ready to cut awkward drop-in visits short or omit awkward silences without being impolite. For instance, if your mother-in-law drops by on a Sunday afternoon and just won’t leave, tell her you hate to end your visit, but you have to run errands before dinner time.

Then plan for one of those aforementioned movie nights so she knows you’re not adverse to spending time with her. When it comes to the holidays, make sure that you and your partner set ground rules early on in your relationship. Every three years is a good rule—one year with your family, the next with your significant other’s family, and the third year to yourselves. That makes both sets of in-laws feel like they’re being treated fairly.

What To Do If It Gets Awkward

Of course, sometimes relations with your partner’s family go beyond awkward unpleasantness and become strained. Maybe you hate being around your spouse’s parents because they have strong political beliefs that oppose yours, or maybe the situation is worse.

If Aunt Jean is a bigot and insults you to your face because you’re not the same race as she is, then you don’t have to put up with that. You can and should cross her off the family game night invite list. If you find that you’re the lone Democrat in a sea of diehard Republicans, avoid the topic of politics like the plague. If it still gets brought up, you can either sit back and quietly observe or suggest a subject change.

In the end, in-laws are a fact of life in long term relationships. You don’t have to enjoy every moment of it, but you can improve upon your time with them. Above all, remember that these folks are your significant other’s family. Like them or not, your mate loves them. You owe it to her or him to make lemonade from these familial lemons. Besides, don’t forget—he or she has to deal with your family, too!

How To Stop A Breakup In Its Tracks

Michael Webb — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 23:00:20 +0000

A breakup isn’t always inevitable. If you realize a breakup is about to happen, here’s what you can do to stop it – and put your relationship in reverse!

When you are faced with problems in your relationship, it would be easy to walk away and let it fail, while it is harder to stay and work it through. When you are faced with these issues, to keep it in perspective, think of the way you felt when you first met and the reason you fell in love. Remember the good and the bad times you shared, and what makes it worth it.

You know that it takes two to tango, and this applies to your relationship as well. An effort from only one party is not going to prove to be successful.

Realize Why Relationships Fail

Many relationships fail for a number of reasons here are a few of the common ones:

High expectations generally happen when entering a relationship viewing everything through rose-colored glasses/spectacles. When these expectations are not met disappointment and frustration soon follow.
Financial issues are not taboo between couples. A household budget should be discussed early so you know what is expected of you. It is important to speak up about money issues when they first arise, and not scream about it when you both are angry.
Manage your stress. Recognize what stresses you both out and do whatever you can to not fall prey. Too much stress can hamper one’s ability to think and respond properly.
Compromise and do things as a couple. Go to a football match with him and take her shopping, or go on holiday together. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your significant other what you want and need. No offence to you guys, but you don’t take hints well, so learn to LISTEN, not just hear! Part of listening also involves not get defensive when she speaks to you, be genuine, compassionate, understanding and sincere.
Spice up your relationship and go out and have a night on the town together. Bring home flowers and chocolates for no particular reason. Apologize if you have done something to upset her, and surprise her with something that she’s been wanting but do it for “no reason whatsoever” not because it’s her birthday or Valentine’s day.

It Takes Two To Make A Relationship Work

Both of you have to be committed to make this relationship work. Don’t scream, argue and curse, rather sit down, call a meeting and be reasonable and logical about it. Try not to get too emotional, speak calmly when you say what you have to say.

There are an abundance of tips that can stop your breakup, but like with all advice, it may not work in all situations. An understanding of your partner and what your relationship requires can provide you with what you need.

Relationship Advice: My Fiancée Won’t Let Me Keep My Maiden Name?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 23:00:08 +0000

She needs relationship advice – he wants her to take his name after marriage and she wants to have her own. What should she do?

I’m getting married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s perfect. We’ve never even had a fight…until…I told him I was keeping my “maiden” name. I’ve worked hard in my profession to build the brand name and I don’t want to change it. My fiancée is super insulted. He says I’ve I don’t say I do to his last name, we aren’t getting married. How can we fix this?

What She Said:

It sounds like a heated situation for such a happy occasion, complicated by the fact that you’re both “in the right.” He sounds like a traditional sort of guy who’s probably been operating off the assumption that you would naturally take his name after marriage.

Take A Look At His Perspective

Take a moment in his shoes to acknowledge that he’s probably in shock. In fact, he may even be taking your insistence on having your maiden name as some form of rejection towards him. He might also have concerns about naming your kids, if you’re both thinking of having children. (Though different last names in one household is a common occurrence these days.)

Reassure him that your love is as strong as ever, no matter what you are called. You two definitely need to find a way to step away from this ledge, otherwise known as the ultimatum he just gave you.

Your Right To Have Your Name

Now let’s take a look at you. You have every right to have your name – it’s definitely a different day and age; the taking of the husband’s name isn’t necessarily the norm it used to be. Building a name in your profession is a huge deal – and one that’s hopefully supported by your future husband. Honoring that accomplishment is every bit as important as your relationship. It’s a part of you, and that means it stays.

Getting Creative To Reach A Compromise

But how does it stay? It’s time to get creative. Perhaps you use your maiden name professionally, but take your husband’s name for your private life. Actors often prefer this option. Jennifer Aniston was Aniston on the screen and Pitt in “real” life – until Brad strolled off with a certain someone. Maybe not the greatest example, but you get my drift!

I’m not sure of the legalities, but it seems worth looking into. Flip that coin and take a look at Jack White (of The White Stripes). He took his first wife’s name – and kept it. He liked it so much that his second wife and their kids all use it too. Now that’s progressive! Of course, there is the lovely option of hyphenating. That can be a great compromise and a way for you to both get what you want.

I hope you can reach an agreement without losing sight of the most important thing – your love and your wonderful future together.

What He Said:

This is a big slap in the face to a lot of guys. I’m guessing you guys never talked about this prior to the argument, which is where a lot of the disagreement comes from. I know it’s not spontaneous to discuss marriage parameters before popping the question, but it’s better in the long run.

Next Time, Talk First

If you’d have had this discussion with him before hand, you wouldn’t be having this problem in the relationship now. If it’s that big of an issue for him, he could’ve made an informed choice. I still think this will blow over. He’s blown way too much $$ on you to back out now.

Do you know what those rings cost? Kidding. Sort of. It will probably blow over, with a little time & TLC. It would be hard to imagine that he loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you but not enough to get past this. If you have any other bombs to drop before you get married, you probably want to discuss it with him first.

My Man Plays Video Games ALL The Time! Help!

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Tue, 17 May 2011 23:00:55 +0000

Relationship advice can do wonders for some couples, but can it help a guy who games too much? A lot of women are in the same boat – their guy is addicted to gaming and there’s nothing they can do about it. Does your man have play with his computer more than you? Do you want some joy from his joystick but can’t get him away from the console?

What She Said

Parade nude (or while wearing lingerie) in front of the television, crook your finger and say, “Follow me to the bedroom!” That should do the trick. At least for one night.

Finding A Way To Work With Him

So what to do the other 364 evenings of the year? It sounds like a compromise is in the works. Your guy obviously loves being a gamer. You don’t want to take away something he enjoys, so you’ve got to find a way to make his “obsession” work for both of you. Please keep in mind that you’re not his mom – acting like a nag and trying to tell him what to do (or not do) definitely falls into the decidedly “not sexy” category.

What is “way too much time” in your book? Is his ducking out on keeping commitments? Is he missing work? Is he blowing off plans to continue playing his games? Such an extreme case could benefit from some kind of intervention. Hopefully his “way too much” isn’t as far gone as all this.

Communicating With Him

I don’t think “stopping” is in order. Would you want to quit something cold turkey that you enjoy? Probably not! Of course he cares about you and would surely go to great lengths to make you happy. As always, the key to solving this problem is communication.

Let him know that his constant playing is bumming you out. Work with him on setting parameters around when he can game. Let him know you don’t expect (nor will you be demanding) that he give up gaming entirely. Be reasonable. When he sees that you’re respecting his interests, he’ll most likely be willing to strike a truce. Trades can be nice too – say, for example, that every hour he spends with the video game equals a date night for the two of you. You get the drift and I’m confident you two will work it out.

What He Said:

He probably won’t stop playing them and you probably don’t want him to either. I mean, you’ve got to get tired of him at some point, right? Trust me, being able to sit him in front of the TV for hours on end while you get some peace and quiet probably will save your relationship at some point.

Talking To Him About His Gaming

Communication really is the best relationship advice. Tell him this is bothering you, but don’t stop there. If you tell a man not to do something and you don’t tell him what he should be doing instead and why he should be doing that new behavior, he will stare at you blankly. So tell him what he’s doing wrong and what you’d like him to do instead and his incentive for doing it (as in more sex).

You May Have To Move On

You shouldn’t nag him, but then you shouldn’t have to nag him at all. He should have the wherewithal to meet you somewhere in the middle on this. You guys are a team and this should be like a friendly negotiation, not some hardnosed “take it or leave it” type scenario. Give a little, to get a little. (That’s what she said!)

I Am Trapped In An Abusive Relationship! Help!

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:00:30 +0000

I need relationship advice. My husband treats me like crap. He’s awful. He’s verbally abusive, belittles me constantly, the list goes on. I can’t figure out what to do. I want to leave, but I feel trapped. What do I do?

What She Said

First off, I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. No one deserves to be treated like that. Secondly, why do you feel trapped? As far as we know, this is the one life we get. Do you really want to spend it with someone who’s abusing you?

I’m not trying to be flip. This is a serious situation. Admittedly, this is not my exact area of expertise. There are facilities that help women in domestic abuse situations, but I’m not sure if that extends to emotional abuse. Check resources in your community. Help might be closer than you think.

I know you say that you feel stuck. If you have children, or you’re financially dependent on your husband, it will take some planning to extricate yourself from the home. If you don’t have kids and you have some expendable income, you might want to examine what is tying you to the situation. Seeing a qualified counselor or therapist may help you gain the clarity to remove yourself from an unhappy home.

The Truth About Love And Marriage

Love and marriage are complicated. No one knows what goes into a couple’s dynamic. If you feel your connection with your husband has turned sour and no amount of help will bring the light back, consider letting go of the past. Take heart in your family and friends, or whatever support system brings you peace. Know that there is still much joy to be found. I’m not saying it won’t be scary or difficult – but no more difficult than staying with someone who doesn’t respect you.

What He Said

You’re not trapped. You do not live in a house without doors, or in a prison cell. If you want to get out, get the hell out and don’t look back period. Go off the grid. Just having a penis is practically a criminal offense these days so getting a restraining order should be no problem. If there’s no kids, just file for divorce and disappear. Yeah, it might be messy, but do what needs to be done and don’t look back.

Leave If You Want To Leave

If you want to leave, and there’s a good reason and it sounds like there is, then leave. Sure, you could try counseling or fixing the relationship in some way, but it sounds like it’s messed up beyond repair. So if that’s the case, what are you waiting for? Ripping off a band aid is never pleasant. You either rip it off fast and get the pain over with or you rip it of slowly and you make it worse.

This is going to hurt. It’s a big deal. There’s really no way around that. The best relationship advice is the sooner you can come to terms with that and rip the band aid off the sooner you’ll be on your way to your new life. You’ll have an adjustment period to be sure, but that’s another issue. Just rip the band aid off and get it over with already.

Little Everyday Things that Keep Romance Alive

Andrew Wang — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 14:00:06 +0000

Romance tends to fade in long term relationships and once you’ve been together for awhile, it can be easy to assume that your mate knows just how much you love them. As you settle into a more routine state of couple-hood, however, you may find that some of the romance and excitement has faded.

It’s important to make sure that you make an effort express your love and affection for your significant other on a regular basis. Keeping the passion of your early relationship going doesn’t require a big production, either. There are easy everyday gestures that you can make that will let your partner know just exactly how much you love them.

Love Is A Basic Human Need

As human beings, we all need to feel loved and cared for. The mere act of doing someone a favor without their having to ask can show just how much you feel for them. There are all sorts of simple favors you can perform on any given day. If your S.O. typically takes their lunch to work, wake up ten minutes early and make it for them every once and awhile.

Volunteer to take over their half of the chores when you know they’ve had a particularly bad week. If you don’t live together, offer to come over and make them dinner or clean their place, instead. These small gestures are thoughtful and truly helpful, and your girlfriend or boyfriend will find them incredibly sweet.

Little Things Make It Romantic

Doing things without any major motive is also a way to bring romance into your relationship. Bringing over flowers just for the heck of it, or serving up breakfast in bed on a Saturday morning, are two classic examples. There are other great random acts, too. There are lots of opportunities to surprise your partner with inexpensive but thoughtful little gifts.

While you’re out grocery shopping, pick up your mate’s favorite candy bar or snack. Bring over a bottle of champagne or sparkling wine to add an extra air of romance to a typical evening in. Did your S.O. recently mention in passing how much they loved eating chocolate chip cookies as a kid? Surprise them with a homemade batch courtesy of yours truly.

Don’t Forget Physical Intimacy

Of course, love also has its physical side. Making sure to kiss and hug everyday is very meaningful. Even if it’s just a quick peck goodbye in the morning, it helps to keep you physically connected. If you see your S.O. sitting around looking stressed out, walk over and give them a five minute shoulder rub and a kiss on the cheek. When you’re watching TV or a movie, sit side by side and hold hands or cuddle. If you feel like sneaking a kiss or two during the commercial break, and that leads to more, then more power to you. The important thing is to keep up regular physical contact. You’ll both be happier for it.

Saying, “I Love You”

There is another simple way to remind your partner of how much you love them. Just tell them. Say it every night before bed or every morning before you leave for work. Say it right before you hang up on the phone or type it at the end of your text. The phrase “I love you” can be reassuring, romantic—even sexy. No matter when or how you say it, make sure that you do. It’s important to put that little daily reminder across to your S.O., so they’ll always know how you feel about them. Combine these words with the other aforementioned thoughtful gestures, and everyday will have an air of romance about it.

Engagement: Perfect Ways To Pop The Question

Andrew Wang — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 23:00:55 +0000

Planning an engagement isn’t easy – in fact, sometimes it can be more difficult than planning the wedding! Thinking about the right way to propose can leave your head spinning. Make your engagement stellar with these great ideas.

Engagement is a big moment in not only your relationship, but also your life, so you want it to be as perfect as possible. A proposal should be personal and memorable. Most importantly, it should also be successful. All your work will be for naught if you don’t hear a “yes” at the end of it. Making it truly thoughtful and special will go a long way toward getting you that positive outcome.

Consider Your Mate’s Personality

Once you’ve decided to pop the question, the first thing to consider is your S.O.’s personality. If your girlfriend or boyfriend is a private person, asking them to marry you at halftime during a football game probably isn’t the way to go. If they’re a huge sports fan and love big, public displays of affection, then that’s probably a good idea.

Is your partner a sucker for traditional romance? Then a candlelight fancy dinner might do the trick. If they’re outdoorsy, you might want to try a trip to the botanical gardens or a hike. The quirky S.O. might appreciate finding their ring at the end of a treasure hunt with clues you’ve put together yourself. Just make sure that you tailor the location and mood of your proposal to your love’s tastes. They’ll appreciate it on so many levels.

Referencing Your Dating History In Your Proposal

If you really want to win him or her over, try referencing past moments in your dating history. Take them to the first restaurant you ate at, or the park you walk through every Saturday afternoon together. If you met through work or in school, try asking in front of your office building or at your mutual favorite spot on campus.

You can even address the moment you knew your S.O. was the one for you. Maybe you had a moment at a museum while looking at a painting together when you realized he or she was the one. Go back and propose in front of that piece of art. Perhaps you both bonded over a mutual love for animals, so you should pop the question at the zoo or when you’re taking your dogs to the dog park together. Proposing at a special location that is part of your story together can make the moment feel extra inspired.

Think About What You Will Say

You should also prepare what you’re going to say before your engagement, of course. Be honest and open with your emotions. Tell an anecdote about the first time you met or the moment you knew you wanted to be together forever. Talk about how much you love your S.O. and paint a well-worded picture of how you see your future together turning out. Enumerate the qualities your boyfriend or girlfriend has that make them the perfect fit for you.

Then explain why you know you’re their soulmate. Be confident, but don’t feel bad if you get nervous or stray from what you planned to say. Nerves and excitement can be somewhat endearing. It’s an emotional moment, and it’s fine to tear up or stumble over a word or two. Let your true feelings shine through, and your mate will be moved by them. Combine that with a well-planned proposal that’s tailored to your significant other’s unique tastes, and you’ll be planning your wedding together in no time.

How To Discuss Deal Breakers Before You Get Hitched

Andrew Wang — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 23:00:38 +0000

Marriage can be a truly exciting thing. During the time between your engagement and your wedding day, you’ll be busy with planning, enjoying the feeling of anticipation at your coming nuptials, and more. The engagement period is also your last chance to move past any doubts you may be having about your relationship.

The most important thing you can do prior to getting married is make sure you and your significant other are on the same page. Within the first week of getting engaged, you need to cover all of the possible deal breakers, so you don’t find out about anything bad after you’ve already said “I do.”

She Said Yes – Now What?

So the question has been popped and answered in the affirmative—now what? If you’ve already discussed all of your plans for the future with your S.O., congratulations! You’re ready to start planning the ceremony. If not, it’s time to have a very serious discussion together. You two need to cover all of the possible deal breakers and make sure you’re either on the same page, or one of you is willing to bend for the other’s sake.

Talking About Children

First up is one of the biggest topics, children. Do you both want to get pregnant? If one of you does and one of you doesn’t, that can be a major deal breaker. Don’t convince yourself that you can go without the little rug rats you’ve been hoping for just because your soon-to-be spouse doesn’t want them. Definitely do not convince yourself that he or she will likely change their mind.

Give this topic very serious consideration, because if you want them and he/she doesn’t, it can definitely lead to divorce farther down the line. If you both want children, you probably need to set basic expectations about it now. If one of you wants them right away and the other wants to wait, be sure that you’re willing to meet in the middle before you move forward with your marriage. As for how many you want, it’s probably best to wait until you’ve actually had one child before you start deciding on numbers. In this area, as in all of the other major issues, it’s necessary to establish where you are willing to compromise and where you are not.

Talking About Religion

After the issue of offspring has been covered, it’s time to talk religion. If you both practice the same faith or are not particularly religious people, there won’t be much to discuss here. If you’re both the same faith, two Methodists for instance, but go to different churches, you should discuss whose church you’ll join.

Other than that you’re golden. If you’re not of the same faith, or one of you is more religious than the other, you’ll definitely need to examine this subject more. Does one of you expect the other to convert? If you have children, which faith will you expect them to practice? Clarify these issues now, and no major problems will arise further down the line. Besides, if you’re intending to have a religious ceremony, you’ll need to have this discussion so you can pick a venue, etc.

Talking About Finances

You will also need to discuss your living arrangements and financial situation. Does either of you already own a home, or are you both renting? In either situation, will one of you move into the other’s place, or are you going to find a new place to share? If you are going to find a new place together, you need to decide whether you want to buy a home or rent something. Then you should compare your expectations.

If one of you would prefer to go on renting an apartment and the other expects to be a home owner within two years, the sooner you can reach a compromise, the better. Discussing your finances will go hand in hand with deciding where to live. Now is the time to talk about whether or not you’ll combine bank accounts, if either of you has any debt, and more. Unromantic as it may seem, financial worries can cause marriages to crumble. You don’t want to find out six months after you got married that your new spouse is $20K in debt and expects you to put your salary toward that. Talk about fighting and a possible divorce waiting to happen!

Smaller Issues To Deal With

There are other smaller issues that can wait until after the honeymoon, like how you’ll be splitting household chores and deciding which person’s family to visit on each holiday. What’s most important is that you clear the air on the major parts of your future—children, religion, finances and living arrangements. If you can have an honest discussion on these topics and plan to tackle any problems together, you’ll start your marriage on a much happier note.

Getting these things out of the way prior to the wedding not only leaves you with less to worry over, but it also makes sure you don’t walk into marriage with incorrect expectations. If you’re not comfortable talking any of these topics over now, you may need to question if you’re really ready to be married or not. However, if you can start your engagement with this sort of openness, you’re setting a great precedent for the rest of your lives together.

How To Cope With Unrequited Love

Andrew Wang — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:00:24 +0000

Love – the unrequited kind – is something most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. You fall in love with someone, they don’t return your feelings, and you just can’t seem to let go. Logic would dictate that you shouldn’t care for someone who doesn’t care for you, but you’re so lovesick that logic no longer matters.

So how can you get over your heart break and your lingering feelings? You owe it to yourself to move forward. It’s important, not least of all because you might miss out on the person you should really be with while you’re mooning over the wrong guy or girl.

People You Can’t Pursue A Relationship With

It can be pretty difficult to see the forest for the trees when you’re head over hills for someone. When that individual doesn’t love you back, however, you need to have a reality check with yourself. Sometimes there are obvious reasons why you shouldn’t pursue a relationship with someone. No matter how attracted you are to them, if the object of your affection is married or in a happy relationship, you need to back down and look elsewhere.

If the person is your boss, your direct report, your current teacher or student, it’s inappropriate to pursue them until you no longer work together directly. When there are overt roadblocks like these, it can be easier to convince yourself to move on. But sometimes the only reason to move forward is because your crush just wants to be friends. Worse, maybe they don’t want anything to do with you at all. In either case, it’s in your best interest to spend a decent amount of time away from this person while focusing on your own happiness.

How To Deal With Rejection

You need to harness optimism in this situation, but it needs to be the healthy and not harmful kind. Move away from wishful thinking regarding the guy or girl who rejected you. There’s no point daydreaming that your married flame will suddenly leave their spouse for you, or that they’ll wake up one morning and realize they actually are in love with you.

Harness that source of hope inside yourself and direct it toward better things. Don’t sit at home and sulk night after night. Instead, enlist the help of your friends to make sure you get out of the house and have some fun. Don’t waste your time looking forward to an impossible relationship. Look forward to your fun weekend plans, to your morning run, or to completing that big project at work. Relegate thinking about love to the background for now, and you’ll find you’re able to take a step or two forward.

Moving On

The most important reason to move on is that there truly are other fish in the sea to date. If you’re busy fixating on one person, you’re missing all the other people out there who could easily be a better fit for you. If you’re out in the world enjoying yourself, you just might bump into Mr. or Ms. Right, and then you won’t give a flip about Mr. or Ms. Rejection anymore. So don’t close yourself off to the world, and don’t cling to false hope.

Instead, embrace the knowledge that there could be someone else out there a thousand times more perfect for you. Go out and live your life to the fullest, and you just might find them when you least expect it. There is no point in puppy dogging around after a lost cause. If they don’t see the value in being with you, they’re not worth it anyway.

Top 5 Ways To Keep Your Man Happy

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 23:00:29 +0000

A great relationship has finally come your way and you’re with a great guy. Congratulations! But just how exactly do you keep your guy blissed out for the next umpteen years while you grow old together? Here are five insightful tips on how to make sure your man stays satisfied and content – and keep him from looking for another relationship?

What She Said

How do you make sure your man stays blissed out in this relationship?

An active sex life – lots of it and make it hot!
Get him a membership to a Beer of the Month Club – it worked for me!
Be a good friend – be sure to have fun together in activities you both enjoy.
Give him some freedom – enjoy the trust and don’t cling.
Offer to skip Valentine’s Day – you’ll be a trendsetting heroine.

The best way to “make” someone else happy is by being confident and joyous in your own life. That shines through to everyone you meet and will also be very appealing to your mate. The bonus? Both your quality of life and your relationship will improve. A happy, confident woman doesn’t rely on someone else to take care of her – and that instantly relieves a lot of stress from a guy’s shoulders.

What Not To Do

Most men I know don’t like crying fits, pouting or being made to feel guilty. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re not too hip on Valentine’s Day either. This doesn’t mean you can never be sad, be in a bad mood or will be forced to forgo flowers and chocolate. It means for every kind thing he does for you, from comforting you when you’re down to taking you out to dinner, is also deserving of a reciprocal action. It’s not a game of tit-for-tat – it’s a way to keep up a mutual appreciation and admiration within your duo.

Long-term relationships equal work and compromise – but that doesn’t mean it has to be a drag. Skip the drama, be honest and have fun. Treat him like your best friend – because hopefully that’s exactly what he is!

What He Said

Be his own personal slut
Regularly send him to the strip club (with a stack of $1 dollar bills!)
Make him feel like a king
Save the crazy for your girlfriends
Be as fun to be around with your clothes on as you are when your clothes are off

I’m going to get a lot of flack for #1, but let me explain. This is one of those differences between men and women. When a woman hears another woman called a slut or whore, it’s an insult. When a guy hears a girl called a slut or whore it’s a compliment. He doesn’t want you to go out and bang the Pittsburgh Steelers, though. Men aren’t looking for a girl that is “a” whore, they are looking for a girl that is “their” whore. Big difference. If you have moves that make porn stars blush, your man won’t be watching any and he certainly won’t be looking elsewhere.

Making Him Feel Awesome

Sending him to the strip club may seem like it’s a good thing only for him, but really you’re the one that benefits. You look like the coolest chick on the planet (to your man and all his friends) and you have some other girl get him all hot and bothered. All you have to do is wait for him to come home and enjoy.

Making him feel like a king is huge, especially these days. Many hen pecking, man hating feminists have taken great pleasure in cutting the collective balls off of men everywhere. Every man wants to feel like the king of his castle. Make him feel that way. You’ll be glad you did.

Try Not To Be Crazy – Around Him At Least

Save the crazy for your girlfriends (and gay men). Men don’t want to know how neurotic women are. We kind of know already, but don’t remind us. It will send your man running faster than you can say Trophy Wife. Vent to your girlfriends and to your gays (if you don’t have any gays in your life, I really have to question why) and not to your man. You’ll both be glad you did.

The Key To It All

Men love sex, this is true. We also love low maintenance (whoever said men love a ‘challenge,’ ‘the chase’ or ‘the thrill of the hunt’ is out of their damn mind), so be easy about it. Don’t put any pressure or drama (at least any that can be avoided). Just be a super awesome chick that he always wants to hang out with (even when you’re not boning each other) and you will be worth your weight in gold in his eyes (not that you’re fat. You’re totally skinny).

4 Ways To Save Your Marriage (For Men)

Michael Webb — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 23:00:42 +0000

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around. Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your wife.

Handle Arguments Differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it’s how you handle them that’s most important. At Junior High School, I said ‘no’ to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said ‘no’ to fighting. Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” anti-drug campaign was a huge success. Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could “just say no” and not feel alone.

Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don’t say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?)

Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying.

Turn Gossip And Bashing Into Praise

No one’s perfect. When the guys get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their wives do,” or wife bashing in general, refuse to participate. It shows that you respect and value your wife. Instead, when a “gripe session” gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of her good qualities.

Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their wives — which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

Change Up Your Routine

After a few months or years, most couples get into a comfortable pattern where they always do the same things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some of that magic and keep your marriage exciting by simply paying attention to these three important areas:

Go on creative dates. Agree to go out and do something you’ve never done before once every week, fortnight or month. It doesn’t really matter what you do, but it’s important to commit and do this constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery, museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a picnic in a park.
Spice things up under the sheets. Try new sex positions, techniques or locations. Wear some nice lingerie or introduce some new sex toys into the bedroom.
Change up the norm. Buy her a gift just to say “I love you,” give her a nice massage, set up a scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about her with a gift at the end

Face Your Money Problems And Debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is the huge amount of debt they bring into their marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples are filing for divorce much earlier in their marriage than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your debt and money issues under control.

Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your family budget together. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams.
Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.
If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why.
Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn’t buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

No one said mending a marriage would be easy. It takes time, effort and persistence – but in the end, you can really make it work if you put your mind to it.

How To Argue Without Things Getting Out Of Hand

Andrew Wang — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 23:00:11 +0000

Relationship advice comes in many forms, whether it’s suggestions on how to make your partner feel special or suggestions on how to keep the fighting that comes with a relationship to a minimum. Let’s face it – arguments happen. It is inevitable that, at some point in the course of your relationship, you and your significant other will disagree on something.

We’re all human beings whose emotions get the better of us on occasion, so it can be hard not to be hurtful at times. However, there are ways to participate in a fight with your mate and not cause long term harm to your relationship.

Thinking Things Through

First and foremost, know when to take a deep breath. In the heat of the moment it can be very easy to blunder ahead, saying lots of things you will later regret. If you can learn how to pause and think before speaking, you’re already a lot closer to saving face in a sour situation. Say you and your S.O. are fighting, and you’re about to accuse him or her of some sort of long term fault. Before you speak, take a breather and think about how to word things. This is quite possibly the best relationship advice there is – waiting until you’ve thought something through before you speak up.

Instead of saying “you always forget something when you go to the store,” shift the wording so it is less accusatory. Make it about how your feelings are hurt, not how your partner is a screw up. For example, try saying “When you forget to bring something back that I’ve asked for, I feel like I’m not being listened to, and that hurts my feelings.” Allow your partner to explain themselves fully without interrupting to interject your opinions.

The Art Of Compromise

Once they’ve said their piece, tell them you understand their viewpoint and suggest a compromise. In the case of our forgetful friend, suggesting that you make a list together before he/she runs errands would be a good solution. Also, be sure to praise any good things the offender did do, i.e. “Even though I’m upset that you forgot item X, I do appreciate the fact that you went to the store for me. I know you’re trying to help.” By recognizing the positive, you not only make the other person feel better, but you also remind yourself that they have lots of traits worth loving. That can take the edge off your own anger as well as theirs.

Focus On The Issue At Hand

Another key thing to avoid when arguing is dredging up lots of other problems. If you’re having a small argument like the one referenced above, that’s not the appropriate time to bring up larger issues. Saying “You always forget something when you go to the store, not unlike how you forgot my birthday two years in a row,” will only escalate your fight. Stick to the topic at hand, then address related problems at a later time when you’ve both calmed down.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take Time To Cool Off

Speaking of having time to cool off, never underestimate the power of calling a time out on your argument. Sometimes the only way to keep from having a total melt down is to honestly admit that you need some time to be by yourself and think before you keep talking. There’s no shame in telling your significant other that you need to take a break so you don’t say something you’ll both regret later.

If you follow this relationship advice the next time you and your boyfriend or girlfriend get into an argument, there could be a lot less drama as a result. It’s important that you always remember that arguments are bound to happen every once and awhile, but they’re not the end of the world and they most certainly don’t mean an inevitable break-up. If you and your significant other take a little effort to fight right, everything will work out in the long run.

Am I Cheating? I Can’t Stop Fantasizing About Other Men!

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 23:00:12 +0000

Am I cheating? I’ve been married for five years. I love my husband. He’s the only one for me. I’d never cheat, but lately I can’t stop fantasizing about sleeping with other men. How do I make it stop?

What She Said

I say relax and enjoy your dreams! Sounds like you’re in the throes of some healthy creative visualization. Let your head hit the pillow, close your eyes and enjoy the ride. (Pun intended.)

Fantasies Are Normal

There is no harm in fantasizing, even if you’re happy with your hubby. Getting turned on by something in your imagination doesn’t mean there’s anything awry with your attraction level towards your partner. I’m sure your husband is equally as happy with you; however that doesn’t mean he won’t sneak a peek at a hot woman with a great rack. Men are generally more in tune with visual cues for sex while woman tend to be in synch with their emotions. It sounds like your sex dreams might be a nice blend of both. You’re allowed to daydream about whoever you want, be it Brad Pitt or the cute checker at the supermarket.

Transferring Your Fantasies To Your Husband

I say you’re in safe territory, as long as you keep your dreams relegated to bedtime and don’t start any real life extramarital affairs. In fact, have fun with these cues your brain is sending you. Enjoy the fantasies and then act out what you experienced in dreamland the night before in real time with your husband. Odds are he won’t mind the experiment one bit!

What He Said

Wait, you’re banging the person you’re going to be banging for all eternity, and you’re fantasizing about banging other people? Wow. I’d better alert the media. In other news, water is wet!

Is Monogamy Natural?

Here’s the deal: a committed monogamous relationship can be the most rewarding experience you’ll ever have. It’s also 100% unnatural. We’re literally not designed to be monogamous. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Just that it’s not natural. You can get upset about that or you can simply deal with it and move on.

This means you’re not only going to get turned on by other people, but you both NEED to get turned on by other people in order for your relationship to survive.

It’s Normal To Get Sick Of Your Partner Sexually

I don’t care how much you love chocolate ice cream, if you eat it three times a day you’re getting sick of it at some point. So you might need to flirt with some vanilla, or show someone your rocky road. Everyone needs a little Neapolitan every once in a while, I don’t care who you are.

Sure, you could feel bad about it, but what good would that do? I personally prescribe regular doses of strip clubs (for him and for her – they have those. That’s what Vegas is for), erotica and whatever else it takes to get your engines going. Other people are probably going to be the fuel that runs your collective car, at least occasionally. Just enjoy it and don’t be so Republican about it.

Then again, some of the biggest freaks on the planet are Republican, so maybe you should be Republican about it. Just don’t be a repressed Republican.

Show The Love – 5 Ways To Let Your Partner Know How You Feel

Maryanne Comaroto — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 14:00:52 +0000

How do you show love?

There are countless things we can do to show that we love someone – truly the list is endless. But what distinguishes love from empty actions is where the action comes from.

For instance, how are you showing love if you avoid saying something to your partner about something that’s bothering you about them, hoping to come across as noble or uncomplaining, if in the end it only ends up causing resentment and frustration on your part, which you will take out on them?

Take The Time To Learn About Your Partner

This may seem obvious, but you you really know a lot about their likes and dislikes, their pet peeves, their guilty pleasures? Knowing these things may not affect your behavior toward them, but it will show that you are investing your attention in them, and that’s a sure-fire sign that you care. Ask your partner questions to learn more about who they are. People like like to know that their partner pays attention to them.

Make Sure Their Happiness Factors Into Your Decision Making Process

Check in with them about how they’re feeling, what they think about things, and where they’re going in life. Embrace this vision they have about themselves as an integral part of you.

Pay Attention To Your Partner

People do make their desires known in one way or another; all we have to do is find the right way to listen. If your partner is using direct words to communicate desires, fantastic, but be aware that there are other clues, both verbal and otherwise, as to what someone wants. You don’t have to be a mind reader, you just have to open your eyes and ears.

React Accordingly To Your Partner’s Desires

If you keep noticing that your partner drools over TV commercials for a particular restaurant, surprise them by taking them to dinner there. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures – my husband, for instance, knows I love to sleep in, so he makes my tea for me in the morning, exactly the way I like it, and that way I don’t have to get up five minutes earlier and do it myself. He loves to meditate but doesn’t always have the time; sometimes I will shift our schedule down half an hour so he can have some time to himself.

Make An Effort To Do New Things Together

Stretch beyond what you already know about each other and about yourselves. Go places you’ve never been before, get in the car and just drive, find a new restaurant, explore a new part of town, or find new activities to try. Try new sex positions together or new ways of pleasuring each other. Develop a keen interest in learning new things as a couple. It will not only strengthen your bond, going on adventures means you’ll have a lot of great stories to tell at parties! You’ll be that couple who is always doing fun things together.

These are just some starter suggestions – feel free to get creative and expand on them! Bringing happiness and joy to each other is one of the great things about relationships. But of course, what matters the most is where these gestures originate.

I’m Flirting Constantly But My Man Isn’t Jealous – What Gives?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 23:00:18 +0000

I’m a girl and I flirt – a lot. Most of my ex bf’s can’t handle it. My current boyfriend says he doesn’t get the least bit jealous. Is that right? Should he be jealous?

What She Said

Do you want him to be jealous? It sounds like you’re playing the flirt as a form of control and not as something that’s genuinely a part of your personality. If you were truly the flirty type, you would most likely do it in a fun and light way – a way that convinces your boyfriend there’s nothing to worry about instead of searching for a reaction from him.

Does He Have To Be Jealous?

It sounds like you’ve got a great guy – one who’s interested in letting you be yourself, as well as someone who is invested in keeping your relationship drama-free. It is possible for you to both chat (and even lightly flirt) with members of the opposite sex without either one of you getting jealous. While jealousy is a normal emotion, it’s not necessarily the healthiest option. It usually stems from fear. So, if your current BF doesn’t fear losing you, he’s not going to get jealous. Why would he?

Is What You’re Doing Really Healthy?

Perhaps you need to look away from his (lack of) motivation and take a closer look at yourself. Did you get a kick out of making men in your life “go nuts” by being a flirt? It sure sounds like it! But why were you so into yanking their proverbial chains emotionally? Would you like it if someone went out of his way to get cozy with another gal, all to make sure you were paying attention? It’s not a nice feeling – and it’s not a nice thing to try to make someone else feel. It sounds like you’ve been operating out of insecurity in past relationships.

It’s Time To Grow Up

Making those men go wild was a way of getting affirmation from them – but it was forced from your wily ways and not a genuine declaration. It sounds like it’s time to drop your guard. Flirting may have been a defense mechanism in the past – it kept you in control and your partners on their toes.

However, this new relationship isn’t adhering to your old tricks – and that’s not a bad thing. It sounds like you’ve found someone who can help you grow. I’m not saying you have to dump flirting from your repertoire, just make sure it’s for the right reasons. In the meantime, take a moment to appreciate your current boyfriend and take a break from all the game playing.

What He Said

If your man doesn’t have a problem with the fact that you’re an attention whore, should you really be complaining?

Kidding. Sort of. Not really, now that I think of it. You clearly get off on this pattern for whatever reason. Maybe you have intimacy issues, and this is your way of pushing guys away who get too close to you. Maybe you really, really need the attention, and in that case….well, you need Jesus. Or Oprah. Or Dr. Drew if they’re all busy.

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Somehow you landed yourself a man who won’t let you sabotage things. I didn’t hear you complain about the quality of the relationship, so I’ll take a stab and say the relationship is great and that’s what freaks you out. You’re not used to it. Good problem to have I think. Learn to enjoy it or go back to the same craptastic dating pattern you were in before.

Your choice.

5 Ways To Re-Spark The Magic Back Into Your Relationship

Michael Webb — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 23:00:03 +0000

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t have the magic and romance that it once had? Do you feel like you and your lover are stuck in a rut and always doing the same things?

You’re not alone. After dating someone for a long time, it’s easy to slip into a stable and comfortable routine. While this can be comforting, when it happens you often lose the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Does this mean you can’t ever get those special feelings back? Of course not. Here are five simple, fun and creative ways to reignite that magic.

Give Your Partner A Unique Gift

Name a star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named.

Or how about this: Give your partner a magic gift box, and every month place a new small gift in the box for your beloved to discover. Your partner will never know when there’s going to be something sweet and special for her to find!

Say “I Love You” In A Unique Way

Take a book that your partner is reading and, using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a secret message of “I love you” or an entire love letter. Doing it just like this. Or for something really unique: You can buy special plants that grow and after 14 days display a message of your choice on the leaf. Cool or what?!?

Start Going On Dates Again

One thing that separates couples with ‘out of this world’ relationships, is they never stop doing new, fun and exciting things with their partner. In other words, they never stop dating and neither should you.

Spend the day doing fun things: go to the carnival, the beach, have a water fight, stare at the clouds on a grassy hill, go on a picnic, walk in the rain without raincoats and umbrellas, dress up in funny costumes and hit the town.

Or how about this: Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination. Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.

Believe me when I say that NOTHING can rekindle the love, passion and excitement in your relationship more than going on fun and creative dates together.

Have Sex Like The First Time

What was so great about the first time you and your partner had sex? What makes first time sex amazing is that everything is new and there’s no rush in discovering it. Everything is unexpected and surprising. Create that feeling again with your partner by focusing a lot more on foreplay and kissing.

After you’ve reached “home base” and have already had sex with your lover, that’s usually where you’re headed when you start getting intimate. However, when you and your partner first got together, there was no rush to get past giving your partner oral sex or receiving a blowjob in return because simply, that’s as far as you had gotten and you weren’t thinking about what was coming next.

Focusing a lot more on kissing and making out with your lover (as well as spending a lot more time on foreplay) will make her feel like you’re having sex for the first time again. Don’t assume that just because you’ve gotten to 4th base before that you will again. Treat each sensation as though it were all new all over again. Your lover will pick up on your attitude pretty quick!

Kiss Her Like You Don’t Have Anything Else On Your Mind

Sometimes kissing doesn’t have to lead to sex – in fact, kissing your partner should not lead to sex much more often than it does! If you’re holding out on kissing your lover until you’re ready to get it on, you may be robbing your relationship of the romance.

Kiss your partner just to kiss her – before she goes to work, when she gets home and before you go to bed. Make each kiss special and make her feel as though you have nothing more on your mind in that moment than how great it is to kiss her.